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Jingle the Bells of Freedom, Alberta!

To the tune of ‘Jingle Bells.’ Part of a series of new carols for 2019.

Steve Burgess 23 Dec

Steve Burgess writes about politics and culture for The Tyee. Find his previous articles here.

[Editor’s note: As you know, they're busy ruining everything you loved as a kid. And The Tyee is here to help that process along with a series of butchered holiday favourites. Here is today's 2019 Tyee Christmas carol, and you can find the full series here.]

Dashing through the snow,
In a hemi-powered sleigh,
O’er the fields we go
Burning fuel away.
Emissions will ensue,
As we deliver gifts,
What fun it is to say: Screw you,

Oh, ring those bells, ring those bells,
Freedom’s on the way!
Oh what fun it is to have
A petro card to play!

Premier Kenney says,
“Nobody understands,
The path to freedom is,
A pipeline to oil sands!
So we must separate,
And sorry if I’m crass,
Alberta will again be great,
Quebec can kiss my ass.”

Oh, ring those bells, ring those bells,
Kenney is the one!
And if you investigate him,
Your career is done.

Happy holidays, readers! Our comment threads will be closed until Jan. 2 to give our moderators a break. See you in 2020!  [Tyee]

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