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BC Election 2024
BC Politics

Please Advise! How Weird Is This BC Election?

Very! Bizarre statements from candidates (and about them) just keep coming.

Steve Burgess 15 Oct 2024The Tyee

Steve Burgess writes about politics and culture for The Tyee. Read his previous articles.

[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]

Dear Dr. Steve,

It's the final week of the B.C. election campaign. Has anything surprised you so far?

Signed,

Mark Ballot

Dear Mark,

Surprised? Please. Dr. Steve sees all, knows all. Nothing can surprise him.

Well, OK, maybe a couple of things. The strength of the B.C. Communist party has been a bit of a shocker. First it was David Eby, revealed as a closet commie by investigative journalist Chip Wilson in his weekly Front Yard Gazette. But the NDP leader was not the only party boss outed as a fellow traveller. Sonia Furstenau, ostensibly a Green, is actually a Red. Her Victoria-Beacon Hill Conservative opponent, Tim Thielmann, dropped that bombshell in a post-debate tweet. “Her communist policies would spell ruin for the poor and the middle class,” Thielmann posted, “the very people we all want to help.”

Two out of three B.C. party leaders, communists? That's huge. And are we even sure about John Rustad? Sure, calling Rustad a communist would be a pretty wild conspiracy theory. But you know who believes in a lot of wild conspiracy theories? John Rustad, that's who. Makes you think.

If the B.C. election were a fall TV season, it would offer quite a lineup: Orange Is the New Red, The Red Green Show, Front Yard Challenge and of course The Debaters. The B.C. leaders’ debate wasn't quite the cataclysmic event that the U.S. presidential debates have been — no cats or dogs were consumed, no political careers were tanked — but it had its moments.

It's always fun to see athletes at the top of their game, the sport in this case being dodge ball. Off the top, moderator Shachi Kurl suggested Eby had squandered John Horgan's $6-billion budget surplus and asked, “How much longer do people have to wait until things improve under your government?”

“Thanks for the question, Shachi,” Eby replied. “Good evening, everyone, thanks for tuning in! And I'd like to say a special thank you to the Vancouver Canucks for starting their season tomorrow instead of tonight!”

Asked and answered. Any more questions?

Rustad's turn. Kurl ran through a list of the Conservative leader's outrageous statements on vaccines, SOGI and carbon emissions. “How can you convince people that you have the judgment and temperament for all British Columbians?”

Rustad's answer, summarized: “Thanks for the question, thanks everybody for tuning in, and... SQUIRREL!”

Later, when Eby brought up Rustad's statements from a June 14 interview — “You called it a ‘so-called COVID vaccine,’ you said you wished you'd never been vaccinated” — Rustad could be heard murmuring, “That’s just not true.” Perhaps it's unwise to say “That's not true” about stuff that's on video, but hey, it seems to work for Donald Trump.

At one point Rustad said, “David Eby wants to talk about conspiracy theories...” A bit like a defence lawyer saying, “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution wants to talk about grand theft auto, purse snatching and stabbings — so, so many stabbings. But we want to talk about gardening! Great year for tomatoes, am I right?”

Rustad certainly doesn't want to talk about his candidates. If there has been another surprise in the campaign, it is how long it took for the bozo eruptions to ramp up. There was always an expectation that the sudden rise of the BC Conservatives from fringe party to legitimacy would expose some candidates and staffers who were picked up from the clearance table at a substantial discount. All sales final, unfortunately for Mr. Rustad.

Surrey South Conservative candidate Brent Chapman has been the real surprise package. Having previously referred to Palestinians as “inbred,” compared harm reduction strategies to the Holocaust, advocated a boycott of Air Canada for the sin of transporting Syrian refugees, and complained about the big guilt trip inflicted on white people over residential schools (you almost have to admire his relentless shitposting work ethic), this week Chapman unveiled his masterpiece. At least, it was unveiled for him by CKNW host Jas Johal. Johal dug up February 2017 Facebook posts in which Chapman suggested that the Quebec mosque shooting, the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre and the Orlando night club mass killing were all faked.

In response to past revelations, Chapman has insisted his prior statements “do not reflect who I am today...” However, Chapman's meme about the Holocaust was posted about a month ago, so that doesn't leave much time for the reno. Dr. Steve estimates the new version of Brent Chapman was probably installed sometime between Sept. 23 and Oct. 5.

BC Conservative campaign spokesman Anthony Koch, party board member Lindsay Shepherd, Vancouver-Langara candidate Bryan Breguet, North Coast candidate Chris Sankey and Vancouver-Quilchena candidate Dallas Brodie are just some of the Conservative stalwarts who have offered up a dumpster full of rancid takes on issues from dangerous Muslim Canadians to vaccines causing AIDS.

Perhaps that list of campaign TV shows might include Looney Tunes or CSI: Crazytown. The BC Conservatives bring to mind the original cast of Saturday Night Live — they used to call themselves the “Not Yet Ready for Prime Time Players.” Everybody knows SNL was funnier back then. This season, though, has been rather short of yuks. No wonder. If voters really face a choice between the Orange Communists, the Green Communists and the Vaccines-Turn-Frogs-Gay Party, this election is no laughing matter.

But please, comrades, exercise your right to vote. Not that it matters. The Party wins, regardless.


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