Please Advise! Are Poilievre’s Conservatives in Full Bully Mode?

[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]

Dear Dr. Steve,

Nova Scotia MP Chris d'Entremont, who recently crossed the floor from the Conservatives to the Liberals, says Conservative House leader Andrew Scheer and party whip Chris Warkentin barged into his office, almost knocking over an assistant while pushing open the door, yelling that d'Entremont was a “snake.” He says this behaviour sealed his decision to join the Liberals. Scheer and Warkentin deny his account. Do you believe him, Dr. Steve?

Signed,

Kay Fabe

Dear Kay,

We have d'Entremont's version of events. And we have the official response to d'Entremont's story, from Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre's office.

The statement from the Office of the Leader of the Official Opposition reads: “Chris d'Entremont, who established himself a liar after wilfully deceiving his voters, friends and colleagues because he was upset he didn't get his coveted Deputy Speaker role, is now spinning more lies after crossing the floor. He will fit in perfectly in the Liberal caucus.”

In another statement made to CBC, Poilievre’s office said: “When Mr. d'Entremont's assistant opened the door, the door was open wide enough to come through so they calmly entered into the reception area.”

Scheer, the statement says, spoke in a “calm and measured voice” when informing d'Entremont that crossing the floor would be “the actions of a ‘snake.’” Scheer, according to the statement, then “quietly left the room.”

So, to review: d'Entremont, the Conservatives proclaimed for the record, is a liar and a snake. And they strolled to his office, doffed their hats and told him so with utmost politeness. Deep bows and curtsies were no doubt exchanged, and one can assume that everyone agreed to meet later at the club. D'Entremont must have offered Scheer a pair of boots made from one of his viper cousins, and Scheer surely promised to bring along a couple of tasty frogs for d'Entremont's lunch. All jolly good.

Dr. Steve is now imagining the world of professional wrestling, if it were conducted the same way. “I say, old bean,” says Scrapiron Smith to Crusher Carnahan, “you have struck me with a folded chair. Yes you did, sir. I felt it distinctly.”

“Did I? Well, perhaps I did, dear boy, but only to emphasize my point, which is, with the utmost respect, that you are a poltroon and a jackanapes. I say, my good fellow, was that a crowbar upside my head just now?”

In fairness to Scheer, perhaps d'Entremont is a snake. After all, someone must have given Poilievre that apple.

But Scheer's aversion to serpents seems to be a fairly recent development. Back when he was Opposition leader himself, Scheer was a veritable herpetologist. In 2018, Liberal MP Leona Alleslev crossed over to the Conservatives and Scheer was right there to greet her, presumably with a bag of hamsters. Why not? Every parliamentary caucus wants to increase their numbers. And at the time, Alleslev was an adder.

Anyway Scheer, a former Conservative leader, recently insisted to reporters that it would be business as usual for the official Opposition. “We're not going to let Liberal sources distract from the budget,” he said.

Well, hang on. The current Conservative leader is calling the shots now. He'll decide who gets distracted and who doesn't. When the Carney budget was introduced, Poilievre forgot to move the customary opposition motion proposing to amend it. It's understandable — any leader worried about snakes is bound to get rattled.

D'Entremont has suggested that the Conservative parliamentary caucus is fairly writhing with cobras and copperheads, all making plans to slither across the floor.

But perhaps the Conservative bully tactics have had some effect. Edmonton Riverbend Conservative MP Matt Jeneroux, who had reportedly met with Prime Minister Mark Carney, decided to announce his departure from the House rather than join the Liberals. As a reward, he was allowed to keep his legs. “On behalf of our Conservative team, I wish you and your family all the best following your decision to step down as a member of Parliament next spring,” said Poilievre in a social media post.

No characterization of Jeneroux as a venomous reptile. That's a bonus.

The way things are going for the Conservatives, though, they may need to choose a new epithet for caucus defectors — maybe spiders or cockroaches, something with plenty of limbs. With Poilievre at the helm it looks like Conservatives are going to keep running, and fast.