Please Advise! Can a ‘Clown Car’ Win the Race for BC?

[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]

Dear Dr. Steve,

It’s been an eventful stretch in B.C. politics. First, BC United MLA Lorne Doerkson defected to the B.C. Conservatives last week. Then on Monday, Surrey MLA Elenore Sturko jumped as well, giving the Conservatives a caucus of four.

Meanwhile B.C. Conservative candidate Damon Scrase has pulled out of the race in the wake of revelations about his ugly social media posts. And after failed negotiations for a unified front on the right, BC United has launched social media attacks on the Conservatives, highlighting their alleged extremism.

What does it all mean for the next provincial election?

Signed,

Fraser

Dear Fraser,

The province’s political personality is currently undergoing a transformation of the sort familiar to characters like Bruce Banner and Dr. Jekyll. The B.C. Conservatives have experienced a surge that would be considered far-fetched if you started from the premise that politics obeys the laws of physics. Their sudden rise seems like one of those odd scientific mysteries — why does hot water freeze faster than cold? What is quantum entanglement? Why would anyone marry Rupert Murdoch again? Wait, we know the answer to that last one. It’s The Golden Bachelor, with the gold measured not in years but in ounces. Well, there’s no law against true love. Although it’s almost enough to make you support the Republican ban on IVF.

But back to the B.C. Conservative surge. Conspiracy theories are very hot right now. When you ask Cicero’s famous question Cui bono? (Who benefits?), you’d have to conclude David Eby is behind all this somehow — Premier Jim Henson, puppet master, orchestrating a disastrous split among his right-wing rivals. How did he do it? Run the Zapruder film backwards while standing in a pentagram containing a bloody etching of George Soros. You’ll find the answers you seek.

As for the demise of Damon Scrase, it was predictable. The B.C. Conservatives recruited many candidates at a time when their poll ratings frequently matched Sesame Street’s number of the day. Thus credibility was less an issue than willingness to volunteer for an electoral thrashing.

BC United Leader Kevin Falcon recently told legislative reporter Rob Shaw the B.C. Conservatives have a “clown car” full of candidates. There’s a bit more legroom in the back seat now that Scrase has jumped out — he quit after it emerged that he’d previously sent out tweets equating homosexuality with mental illness and referring to LGBTQ+ people as “degenerates.”

There will likely be more skeevy revelations to come. When the B.C. Conservatives surged in the polls, Dr. Steve fully expected a spate of what you might call “wacko eruptions.” So far, so predictable. Yet Dr. Steve must confess he had not anticipated discarded Conservative candidates might be replaced by upgrades drawn from the legislature. With the BC United bandwagon apparently up on blocks, Rustad has begun raiding it for parts. It’s a nasty business — the B.C. legislature has become the kind of place often featured in Agatha Christie stories. Very stabby.

Enmity is growing. Photos on social media showed Doerkson’s belongings hanging in the hallway outside the BC United caucus room, tossed out like a cheating cowboy’s hat and boots in a country ballad.

Are the B.C. Conservatives the Not Yet Ready for Prime Time Party?

Perhaps it depends on your theory of their recent success. If it’s simply a matter of brand awareness — Falcon having abandoned the BC Liberal moniker, thus ceding the right-of-centre ground to the only party with a recognizable national name — then the B.C. Conservative bubble may yet pop like the Canucks’ Stanley Cup dreams.

But if you believe something else is going on, i.e., a fundamental shift toward the sort of extremism that already has America in its bloody grip, then John Rustad’s political vehicle might just turn out to be a clown Corvette.