Where Are Our Manners?

With Omicron and Omicron BA.2: Electric Boogaloo resetting the ground rules once again in the ol’ pandemic, we’re all more exhausted and burnt out than ever.

In light of this extremity, it’s time to revisit Ms. Woodend’s Guide to Good Pandemic Etiquette. Think of it as a refresher course, a reminder to respect other people’s safety and security in hope that they will respect yours.

When faced with immediate crises, a blizzard for example, people often rise to the challenge: dig each other out of snowbanks, shovel sidewalks, share food and grim comfort.

But we’re now in the long, interminable slog where things begin to break down: trapped in a Groundhog Day of endless recriminations, political name-calling and ongoing attacks on the things that allow people to feel common humanity with other sapiens. There appears to be no immediate escape from the rolling awfulness of it all.

But here is where manners can make the difference, between a pleasant interaction and murder most foul. Manners maketh it, man... or something like that.

Be cool

Nothing makes you want to be less of a jerk than witnessing someone else behaving badly. It’s the full recoil of, “Is that what losing your cool looks like? Blech!” Try watching endless videos of people going nuts in stores and you’ll think to yourself, “Don’t ever do that, even if they get your name wrong at Starbucks.”

When tempted to let loose the fires of irrational rage, try a variation of stop, drop and roll to put out the flames. Take a deep breath, count to 10. Or try the old-fashioned version and simply lie down and roll around on the ground for a while. If nothing else, this will change your perspective. Literally, you’ll be staring up at the world, and suddenly notice the sky is a bright canary blue.

See, there’s always something.

Leggo your ego

You aren’t all that. In fact, none of us are much of anything really, except a random collection of gases, liquids and other squishy stuff. Get over yourself already. That goes for everyone. Unchecked ego can be a pernicious force.

Your personal liberty isn’t everything, and the notion that individual rights trump all else fails to take into account that we don’t live on the wide-open prairies, with the nearest neighbour a full day’s ride away. No, my good people, most of us live in urban societies, thick with other bodies. So, temper your raging pioneer spirit and calm the eff down.

The current protest of truckers is a case in point. I get that truckers have a long-cherished culture of lone wolf libertarianism, but this isn’t Smokey and the Bandit world. The social contract only works if everyone participates and doesn’t believe themselves above the law. (Also, Donald Trump Jr. applauding your cause is a pretty sure indication that it’s a terrible one.)

Free dumb

In the olden times, it wasn’t hard to tell the dummies from the smarties. Dummies were the ones eating paste and torturing frogs. Now they’re the ones accosting random pedestrians and yelling fatuous slogans about freedom and rights.

The idea that you should entertain all ideas, opinions and theories is a flat no. Some people are just not that bright or well-informed and should not be listened to. Sure, even experts can get things wrong, but at least they have a proven scientific methodology for figuring out where things went careening off the road.

Escape act

It’s hard not to feel exhausted with people at the moment. Specifically, the seeming inability of anyone to simply shut up for a moment. Sometimes in order to better get along with people, it’s best to limit one’s contact. This especially holds true for people in large numbers. A couple of anything is cute — frogs, wild boars, grasshoppers — but thousands? ’Tis a plague, I tell ye.

So, it is with humans as well. Keep your number low for the moment. Costco, malls, sporting events, anywhere that people yell and jostle are not places you want to be. The forest, a cave, the ocean are all good options, although the sea is currently crammed with people bobbing about in the latest cold water dipping frenzy.

If you truly want to escape from people altogether, consider investing in your own private bathysphere. Imagine hours spent in the darkest depths of the ocean watching giant, glowing creatures devour other less wary creatures. Oh, the fun you will have.

Go ape!

Humans are social animals, but we can learn from the lessons of other creatures who also practise generosity, selflessness and altruism. Gorillas in particular are prone to helping other gorillas but have also been known to take care of the occasional random human child that topples into their midst. Most wild creatures seem innately well-mannered; if you are good to them, they will be good to you.

Do for others

When everything feels too much, doing something for someone else can boost you up and out of the spiral of despair. Even the smallest gesture can make a difference. Holding doors, thanking people, giving compliments. Gentle is the name of the game at the moment. Gentle on other folks, but also on yourself as well.

But I am only wee!

But Dorothy, you say, does any of this individual stuff mean anything in the midst of ongoing large-scale bad behaviour? It all feels very small and pitiful to think I’ll try and be a better person while glaciers collapse and Australia catches fire. Does being kind really matter when all manner of human darkness is running roughshod over the world?

In a word, yes! Not just for other people, but also for yourself. Even if the obliteration of manners might seem nigh — as people accost others on the street, hurling ad hominem arguments about anyone who chooses to wear a mask — don’t worry. We’ve weathered worse and emerged, battered but still gallant.

If all else fails and you lose your cool, try to keep it in perspective. You’re only human and the current state of the world would test anyone’s mettle. Give yourself a break before you break something. That holds especially true for someone else’s heart or spirit.