Please Advise! What’s Next for Carney the Rock Star?

[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]

Dear Dr. Steve,

Prime Minister Mark Carney's recent speech at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland has been hailed as a landmark of international statesmanship.

The New York Times’ David French wrote a column titled “The Carney Doctrine” while the Washington Post called the speech “the defining moment of the week” and quoted one diplomat asking, “Why can't we invite Canada to be a member of the EU?”

Is Mark Carney a global superstar now?

Signed,

Dazzled

Dear Daz,

Remember those Conservative campaign ads from 2013 — the ones that attempted to paint Justin Trudeau as a celebrity lightweight?

After the prime minister's hit speech, get ready for an update. Mark Carney — sure, he's an international star, a Davos darling, possibly the next James Bond. But does Matinee Mark have the gravitas for government? Say “no” to charisma. Say “yes” to Pierre Poilievre.

There's no doubt Carney was last week’s Swiss superstar, the Davos Di Caprio, the Alpine Ariana Grande. California Gov. Gavin Newsom raved about the speech, saying “he stood up.” Australian Treasurer Jim Chalmers called it “stunning.” U.S. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick said, “Give me a break.” Bullseye.

By God, even Poilievre described the speech as “well-crafted.” The wicked winter storm that swept across much of central and eastern North America this weekend actually originated in hell, which just froze over.

Donald Trump was clearly annoyed at all the praise Carney got for writing his own speech. What's the big deal? Trump crayoned his own speech, too.

Trump did back away from his insistence on devouring Greenland. Carney had said countries can either be “at the table or on the menu,” and that's probably what will save Greenland — Trump never eats anything green. But now the president has another Hapless Meal in mind. “Canada lives because of the United States,” Trump mumbled. “Remember that, Mark.”

At the very least, we are being booted from Trump's billion-dollar buffet. He publicly declared that Carney was no longer invited to join his so-called “Board of Peace.” It does not seem to have occurred to Trump that, considering his invitation list includes Vladimir Putin's Russia, Viktor Orban's Hungary and Mohammed bin Salman's Saudi Arabia, an invitation to join the Board of Peace was comparable to accepting a free trip to Jeffrey Epstein's island. White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt probably had to remind Trump to cross Epstein off the invitation list. The president tends to forget stuff.

Trump also threatened Canada with 100-per-cent tariffs, but that's mild by his standards — after all, this is the man who promised to reduce drug prices by 1,500%. A hundred percent is nothing.

Trump may simply be jealous of Carney’s new celebrity. And Davos is an event where the line between politics and celebrity blurs. One of this year's big speeches was delivered by David Beckham. Matt Damon was there, as was Yo-Yo Ma and Jon Batiste. You never know where Davos success will lead. In his speech, Carney proposed a coalition of middle powers to stand up against global giants. But the end result may be a guest role in K-Pop Demon Hunters 2.

How big a star is Carney this week? Justin Trudeau was also at Davos, with Katy Perry. For all the attention they got, they might as well have been Pete Best and his plus-one. Carney is Ringo now.

Should we be worried about this? Fame does strange things to people. Somebody almost wins a hot-dog-eating contest, or gets voted off in week three of Big Brother 26, or gives a popular speech at the World Economic Forum, and boom — here comes a sneaker line, a signature fragrance, maybe a genital-scented candle, possibly a rap song praising Hitler. Or worse yet, a podcast.

What if Carney starts getting work done? What if he gets a Brazilian butt lift? What if he gets all big-headed and decides he's ready for a real high-pressure gig, like coaching the Leafs?

We must hope that celebrity Carney will remain focused on the task at hand.

Best case scenario: the prime minister's Davos call for solidarity helps build a coalition of mid-sized nations to face American, Russian and Chinese power.

Worst case scenario: Mark Carney and Pierre Poilievre in season two of Heated Rivalry.

Pray for the best.