Please Advise! Should I Worry about John Rustad?

[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]

Dear Dr. Steve,

B.C. Conservative leader John Rustad has resigned the leadership of the party. Surprised?

Signed,

Rusty

Dear Russ,

The move to oust Rustad was not unanimous. While many Conservative MLAs called for his resignation, other voices were heard to say, "Hold on, this is a mistake. I support Rustad. He's the B.C. Conservative leader we need!"

Oh wait, that was David Eby. The B.C. premier has got to be disappointed — Rustad’s resignation is an early lump of coal from Santa. With Rustad gone, the NDP might actually have to get off the couch and campaign next time. Until last week, the NDP campaign slogan was "John Rustad."

Some details of the Conservative leader's fall were contained in a recent CBC News story. As rich as our provincial tradition for wacky politics might be, this story deserves a place in the B.C. politics hall of fame. The CBC report describes angry MLAs ready to confront Rustad: "The fireworks were set to go off at a caucus meeting Tuesday night where a majority of MLAs had resolved to force a vote on Rustad’s leadership. The MLAs who opposed Rustad told CBC News they turned up to find the meeting was actually a team-building exercise where they would take part in a gingerbread-making contest."

A gingerbread-making contest. How would history have played out if conflict management had generally taken a gingerbread-based approach? Robert Oppenheimer and the Manhattan Gingerbread Project; Napoleon and Wellington at Gingerloo; Henry II crying, "Will no one rid me of this turbulent yet delicious gingerbread priest?"

The beloved, if rather dark, fairy tale of the Gingerbread Man stars the fleet-footed humanoid confection who sings "Run, run as fast as you can; you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man." Rustad, neither fleet of foot, melodious of voice nor red-headed, was nonetheless sending a message. Voters are sweet on me — my enemies will get their just desserts. But Rustad probably should have checked the end of the story. Spoiler: It's gruesome. And tasty.

At any rate, the angry Conservative MLAs did not stick around for the gingerbread fun fest. They were more inclined to pin the tail on the donkey. The staff party they wanted would have a pinata.

On Wednesday the party released a statement that Rustad was "professionally incapacitated" and had been replaced by interim leader Trevor Halford, MLA for Surrey-White Rock. Rustad disagreed. "Give me a break," he said. He insisted he was still leader.

This created the dreaded political situation known as Spider-Man Meme Syndrome. Like Netflix and Paramount battling over Warner Brothers, it looked like a fight that would sell a lot of popcorn.

But no. Gingerly, Rustad came to realize his leadership had crumbled. He was baked.

Now the party will be picking a new leader. Dr. Steve wishes them luck. Pirate captains have an easier job. With Rustad loyalists and coup plotters sitting side by side, this is a group whose caucus minutes could probably serve as a sequel to Lord of the Flies. The Conservative Party of BC is a political platypus, a furry, duck-billed, egg-laying mammal with a poisonous spur — an agglomeration of seemingly incompatible parts, weird and sometimes venomous.

What common cause connects the disparate segments of the Conservative party? It's reminiscent of the old joke about the sculptor who is asked about his method and replies, "Easy, I just chip away everything that doesn't look like a man on a horse." The Conservative Party of BC, like BC United, the BC Liberals and the Social Credit party before it, consists of pretty much everything that doesn't look pink. If you're not NDP, you are this — whatever brand Team Other is using this year. Conservative MLAs are a three-bean salad including garbanzo, coffee and Styrofoam peanuts. They'll need a leader who can juggle chainsaws.

One lesson has come out of this fight: it appears that consequences are still a feature of Canadian politics. We are behind in that way. U.S. politics have apparently done away with consequences entirely — party loyalty grants permission for every conceivable variety of corruption, incompetence and idiocy. Whatever "professionally incapacitated" was supposed to mean in Rustad's case, it's an umbrella phrase that could describe the entire gallery of whack jobs and criminal misfits currently swinging around the Washington monkey cage.

By contrast, Rustad, who, whatever his shortcomings, still made the B.C. Conservatives a powerful force in provincial politics, got chewed up and swallowed. There's something reassuring about that.