Please Advise! Is the King Charles Show Must-See TV?

[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]

Dear Dr. Steve,

Will you be watching the coronation of King Charles III?

Signed,

Meg

Dear Meg,

Dr. Steve has questions. For instance: Charles and Camilla will ride in two different carriages, first the Diamond Jubilee State Coach and later the Gold State Coach, which have been used at such events since the coronation of Queen Victoria. So, the key question: since on this occasion the royal vehicles are going to be carrying Charles, can we properly refer to them as Chuck wagons?

The coronation of King Charles marks the end of a 70-year internship. That's remarkable. Generally if you haven't learned how to replace the printer ink cartridge after six months they don't keep you on. Aside from becoming King of England, Charles may be honoured with a place in the Guinness Book of Records.

Charles has not been a lucky name for British monarchs. The first Charles made history in the worst way, executed by Parliament. Previously in England, when crowns came off the head tended to stay on. “Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown,” wrote Shakespeare, and it's particularly true when the head is lying in a basket.

Charles II had some bad luck too, with an outbreak of plague and the Great Fire of London. So the suggested slogan for Charles III? “Third time's the charm!”

King Charles III had a very hard act to follow (and a very long time following it). His early days on the throne have not been greeted with adulation. And there are historical precedents for some of Charles' difficulties. Once upon a time English kings dealt with powerful internal rivals referred to as “over-mighty subjects.”

Back in the day these unruly foes were dukes and barons. These days it's Adele and Ed Sheeran. Both pop superstars declined invitations to perform at the coronation, as did the Spice Girls, Elton John, Harry Styles and others. Meanwhile, after bankrolling the promotion of Wrexham Football Club, Ryan Reynolds is now the unofficial king of Wales. Charles may be forced to invade.

The refusal of the pop music glitteratti to sign on with Charles' big event may well reflect their sympathies with that competing centre of Windsor power, the firm of Harry and Meghan. And this brings up another tradition — the sometimes difficult history of royal father-son relationships.

Edward III and his mother Isabella knocked Eddy's dad, Ed the Deuce, off the throne. That was something royal offspring used to do in the days before disgruntled princes simply wrote bestsellers. King George II and his son Frederick were so hostile that Frederick's house became party central for everybody who didn't like George. If you wanted to catch the 1746 version of Adele, you would head on over to Fred's house.

Today, celebrity is power and in this regard the new king of Britain is badly outgunned. If Prince Harry hadn't decided to attend the coronation, Oprah probably wouldn't even change channels from the Kentucky Derby.

This may explain the Buckingham Palace's rather odd decision to suggest Britons take the opportunity to pledge allegiance to King Charles III during Saturday's coronation. Those who remember Jeb Bush's “Please clap” moment may cringe in recognition.

But then, this is perhaps just a more primitive version of “liking” a Facebook post or a photo on Instagram. You are pledging your heart to the Crown — or at least, your heart emoji.

But in the end Dr. Steve keeps coming back to the important question he raised at the top. Is this or is this not a Chuck wagon event? Think of the possibilities. Has there ever been a corgi rodeo? Is that a thing? Buckingham broncos! I bet even Oprah would watch that.