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2020 Hindsight: Two New Christmas Carols for a Rough Year

Sing along (from a distance) with Steve Burgess and The Tyee. And happy holidays.

Steve Burgess 25 Dec 2020TheTyee.ca

Steve Burgess writes about politics and culture for The Tyee. Find his previous articles here.

A Visit to QAnon

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
The Deep State could watch with the click of a mouse.
The stockings were scanned for small listening devices,
Maybe planted by elves to discover dark vices.

The children were sleeping, the dreams of each one,
Tormented by nightmares of Hillary Clinton.
And I in my tinfoil, and she with her gun,
Renewed our resolve that we must trust no one.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I fired my shotgun and made pellets scatter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Prepared to defend against globalist trash.

When what with my vigilant eyes could be seen,
But a sleigh full of fraudulent voting machines,
And a devious trickster so cleverly hidin’
I knew in a moment it must be Joe Biden.

More rapid than tweet storms his helpers they came,
And he stammered and stuttered and called them by name,
“Now Harris! Now Soros! Now Governor Cuomo!
Now BLM marchers from deepest Chicago!”
To the door of the White House, o’ertop of Trump’s wall!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!”

And before I could warn my dear children and spouse,
He had built 5G towers to bombard our house.
His laughter so evil, so wicked his schemes,
He loaded us up with his masks and vaccines!

First flipping the bird and then thumbing his nose,
Stuffing kids in his bag, up the chimney he rose.
And I heard him exclaim in an unholy roar,
“You had better not say ‘Merry Christmas’ no more!”

The Vaccinated Sneeches
(Apologies to Dr. Seuss)

All the Sneeches of Sneechville were scared of the bug,
“We will need a vaccine so that we can still hug,
All our friends and our neighbours whom we love and cherish,
Without a vaccine we’re afraid they might perish!”

At last, the vaccines came from over the sea,
And the Sneeches were just as relieved as could be,
They all rolled up their sleeves and prepared for the jabs,
That would inject the magic stuff from Pfizer labs.

But then hard on the heels of the Pfizer-brand goo,
The Moderna vaccine offered protection too,
Be it one or the other, the experts insist,
Your chances of COVID will cease and desist.

Soon the Sneeches were free to go out and about,
And to mingle and jingle and carol and shout.
But the Sneeches who got the first inoculations,
Declined to engage in such associations.

See, the Pfizers just sniffed at Moderna vaccines,
They wanted no part of their fun social scenes,
“No, we won’t shake your hands, even with sanitizers,
We will only associate with other Pfizers.”

“You Modernas should really just keep to yourselves,
We do not like the serum that sits on your shelves.
We good Pfizers would rather you stayed far away,
We do not think Moderna keeps COVID at bay!”

This was not the first time Sneech society broke,
Something similar happened with Pepsi and Coke.
But the ultimate lesson this tale is about,
Is that one group who’s “in” needs another who’s out.


Dear Tyee readers: comments are closed until Jan. 4 to give our moderators a much-needed holiday break. Best wishes to you and yours.  [Tyee]

Read more: Politics, Coronavirus

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