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'Chat Room': Sex Ed after School

Studies show Canadians want to talk more about sex. How one BC all-ages group delivers.

Jesse Donaldson 28 Jun 2014TheTyee.ca

Jesse Donaldson is an author, journalist, photographer and one of the founding members of The Dependent Magazine. His first book, This Day in Vancouver, was recently shortlisted for a B.C. Book Prize. Find his previous articles published in The Tyee here.

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Sex is 'hundreds of conversations,' says Clayton Boehler, who co-moderates the North Shore's Chat Room program. Whisper photo via Shutterstock.

Here's a thought experiment: when is the last time you walked into a coffee shop and heard people discussing fetishes, sex toys, masturbation, pornography, anal sex, medication and sexuality, polyamory, boundaries, dirty talk or the politics of orgasm?

Every Sunday, in the conference room of a coffee shop on Vancouver's North Shore, participants as young as 20 or as old as 70 and 80 engage in frank, informal and non-judgmental conversation on these topics and more. It's called the Chat Room, and its moderators Jane Langton and Clayton Boehler are part of a new breed of sexual health educators -- professionals determined to take sexual education beyond the classroom, as part of a countrywide wave of evolving attitudes toward sex and sexuality.

"I see sex ed as starting right from birth, and going on until death," Boehler explains. "It's not one conversation. It's hundreds of conversations -- and not just about the mechanics of sex. It covers STIs and birth control, and healthy relationships, and pornography, and sex and the law, and then it goes right back to healthy relationships again."

Each session is freeform, often peppered with laughter and covering a variety of themes -- some suggested by the moderators, many brought up by attendees. The emphasis is on discussion and connection over answers -- though there certainly are those, courtesy of Langton and Boehler, both certified through Options for Sexual Health's sex educator program.

Langton, formerly in sales and marketing, as well as a nuclear medicine technologist at Vancouver General Hospital, runs her own sexual education company and recently spoke at the SFU TEDx conference on the topic of masturbation. Boehler has been giving talks in schools across the Lower Mainland for more than five years, as part of his own program.

For both Langton and Boehler, the goal of the Chat Room is to educate, while at the same time creating meaningful connections and deconstructing myths about human sexuality propagated by generations of locker-room talk (men want sex more than women, women don't watch pornography or enjoy casual sex, and so on).

"It really was about creating a safe space to have conversations that we rarely have in our lives, and a place where we can connect with people on a much deeper level," Langton says.

The program began in February (hosted in Langton's living room) with only four people. These days, sessions average nine or 10 attendees, sometimes more. There's a second Chat Room geared specifically toward seniors, held once per week at Silver Harbour Seniors' Activity Centre (at least one couple attends both), and according to Langton, the positive response has been overwhelming.

"They were brave enough to take me on after I did a workshop in March," Langton explains. "There were 50 to 60 people attending. The room was packed, and afterward there was a lineup of people wanting to have a conversation with me. I ran out of female condoms, which I hand out with my business card."

"I was absolutely blown away by the number of people interested in her presentation," adds Annwen Loverin, Silver Harbour's executive director. "I think the issues the Chat Room can discuss aren't often talked about in this community -- except maybe between husband and wife, or between best friends."

Canadians want sex ed

The timing could hardly be better. National surveys show at least 85 per cent of adults and an even greater percentage of adolescents support sexual education in schools. One in four Canadians believe that sexual education should begin at age nine or earlier -- a sharp contrast with both Americans and Britons (13 and 17 per cent, respectively). Canadians are in favour of more discussion on almost every surveyed topic than their British or American counterparts, including homosexuality, non-penetrative sex, sexual pleasure and abortion.

Despite this, a 2013 study of 200 Ontario high-school graduates found that while most had a good understanding of basic concepts like pregnancy and STIs, grads had a relatively poor understanding of almost everything else (including sexual assault, contraception, reproductive physiology, and even Canada's age of consent).

In terms of usefulness, respondents still place school sexual education below conversations with friends and media such as movies or television -- not the healthiest resource.

Several provinces' school systems are battling over what can be taught in sexual education. In Ontario, a 2010 revamp of the sex ed curriculum -- one which was set to include discussions about healthy relationships, sexual orientation, masturbation and gender identity -- was sidelined after massive protest from conservatives and religious parent groups (a watered-down version of the legislation is now being used, along with a separate guide on homophobia and heterosexism, although the guide isn't required as part of the curriculum).

Similar wars are being waged in New Brunswick and Alberta, and in most provinces, parents can choose to take their children out of any sexual education session without academic penalty.

Nationwide, condom use is on the rise amongst younger teens, but on the decline in older ones. And reported rates of some STIs, including chlamydia, have been characterized in a recent report as "unacceptably high" -- somewhere between 3.4 and 10.9 per cent in young women (though there is some debate over whether this is a result of more sensitive testing technology rather than an increase in overall prevalence).

That said, teen pregnancy has fallen steadily over the past two decades, and sexual activity amongst teens is also on the decline (down from 70 to 65 per cent between 1997 and 2005). Much of this can be attributed to improved sexual education programs; a 2006 meta analysis proved that sex ed programs don't increase the prevalence of teenage sexual activity -- if anything, they decrease sexual behaviour and increase condom use.

"It's all over the map," Boehler says, of B.C. students' knowledge base. "Some of them have all of the knowledge, because some adult they trust has given it to them. At the same time, I have people at the other end of the classroom who know nothing. They've never even heard the words 'penis' and 'vagina.'

"Then, there are youth in the middle, where most of their knowledge seems to come from pornography -- which, we all know, isn't a healthy sexual educator at all."

Let's talk about sex

While the Chat Room is currently a small operation, Langton and Boehler have plans for expansion into Vancouver and the Tri-Cities. Funding for such projects is limited, however, and tricky to obtain. When it comes to the North Shore Chat Room, both Langton and Boehler currently volunteer their time, and are in search of alternative funding.

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After a presentation at a seniors' centre, sex educator Jane Langton was so popular she ran out of female condoms. She and Chat Room co-moderator Clayton Boehler see sex education 'starting right from birth, and going on until death.'

That said, their enthusiasm for the project remains undiminished. There is talk of an online forum in the near future, as well as dreams of expanding across Canada.

"Even if the discussion is going to be different -- you can learn about different communities and cultures and values," Langton adds.

In North Vancouver, both the seniors' and the regular Chat Room programs continue to grow in size and scope. So, what advice would Langton and Boehler have for potential new participants?

"Everybody is terrified the first time they join us," Langton chuckles. "And I get that, because it's a space where intimate conversations do happen."

"People take that first hour to see that no one is being judged," Boehler adds. "No one's judging. There's no shame. Nobody's batting an eye. And then, people start talking, because they realize that we're not here to disrespect anybody. We're here to help you have a deeper, more intimate relationship with yourself, the people around you, and your community."  [Tyee]

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