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[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]
Dear Dr. Steve,
At a Halifax event last Thursday, U.S. Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra complained about Canadian attitudes toward America, saying he was disappointed in the “elbows up” movement, which he said was “anti-American.”
Does he have a point, Dr. Steve?
Signed,
Hal
Dear Hal,
Perhaps you thought all the American spirits had been cleared out of Canadian liquor stores. But it seems there's still room on the shelf for Pete Hoekstra's whine.
Months of punishing tariffs, broken pledges and repeated threats to Canadian sovereignty are, Hoekstra seems to think, the equivalent of a neighbourly bow and a pleasant “How do you do?” on the tree-lined thoroughfare. Why are Canadians so upset, just because a felonious, grease-painted thug has been threatening our national existence? So rude of us. Hoekstra is probably also upset that Jimmy Kimmel isn't vacationing at Disneyland.
Hoekstra did not exactly say “The beatings will continue until morale improves,” but pretty close. He seems oblivious to the consequences of his boss's goon tactics. Hoekstra's complaint came even as Donald Trump shifted gears from “creeping despotism” to “warp-speed fascism.” After blithely telling reporters that he sincerely believed criticizing him is “illegal,” the doofus Duce posted an open letter to U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi, warning her that she needed to ramp up the persecution of his enemies, or else. Republicans, as usual, responded like bobbleheads.
But unlike Trump, Hoekstra is powerless to back up his complaints with credible threats to destroy pesky critics. Foreign countries can be so inconvenient that way. You know how it is — you just want to order a corned beef on rye, or the imprisonment of your enemies, and all you get are blank stares and shrugs.
One part of Hoekstra's Halifax complaint has been largely overlooked in media reports. He said of the election campaign: “You ran a campaign where it was anti-American, elbows up, me too...”
“Me too?” Did Hoekstra mean the public campaign to shine a spotlight on sexual assault, harassment and discrimination? What else is bugging you, Pete? Women's suffrage?
Media reports probably didn't dwell on that remark simply because it was such a bizarre inclusion. Editors tend to frown on news reports that simply read, “WTF?” But the “me too” reference is not entirely surprising coming from Hoekstra, a founding member of the right-wing Tea Party caucus in the U.S. Congress, and a man who once spouted unfounded claims about rampant Muslim violence in the Netherlands. He probably just assumes that anyone who doesn't grovel before Trump is the sort of troublemaker who also thinks women should be allowed to drive automobiles and speak in church.
At the Halifax Chamber of Commerce event, Hoekstra said, “It is very, very difficult to find Canadians who are passionate about the American-Canadian relationship.”
Again, it sounded like Hoekstra has his head so far up his ass he could roll downhill like a keg of Heineken. Canadians are more passionate about that relationship now than they have ever been. Recent travel figures prove it — Canadian tourists are continuing to avoid U.S. visits, unwilling to spend their money in a country run by America's bloated, bloviating bully. We're passionate, all right. It's just not the kind of passion that comes with chocolates and red roses.
Hoekstra wants more courtesy from Canadians? Fine, Pete. Next time you see a sign reading “Piss off, neighbour,” maybe we'll drop the “u.” ![[Tyee]](/design-article.thetyee.ca/ui/img/yellowblob.png){kind=small}
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