New Clothes, New You

Aww, September!

The hard blue sky, leaves turning to shades of russet and burnt gold, the air suddenly crisp and chill in the morning. Yeah, all that stuff is nice, but what September really makes me yearn for is new school clothes.

To be clear, I haven’t been in school for a number of years — but whenever the early days of autumn roll around, my heart suddenly yearns for tweed, wool, plaid.

Certain clothing memories endure like they were hand-carved into granite. Example: The first time my sister and I moved to a new school in Grade 6. Being country wieners, we were uncertain what the dress code might be in a big city elementary. It was sure to be full of urban sophisticates and fashion cognoscenti.

We went for broke, insisting on buying matching three-piece suits, mine in brownish taupe, hers in blue-grey, complete with patterned pussy-tie blouses. We looked like miniature matching accountants.

Of course, on the first day of school, everyone else wore jeans and T-shirts and assumed from our twinned ensembles that we were weird rich kids.

We ran home at lunch time to change.

My point is that new clothes are an opportunity to reinvent yourself if you so wish. New clothes, new you. Or some strange version of who you would like to be: nouvelle hippy, pierced punkette, preppy poseur. All things are possible with the right outfit.

This year, the return of kids to school has been joined by the sort-of return of adults to the office. Everyone united in their uncertainty about what to wear. Along with this change in season comes a raft of articles informing what is hip, hot and happening. Don’t pay any of this verbiage too much mind, it’s all a passing thing.

But Dorothy, I want to be too cool for school too, what should I wear to cement a spot with the in-crowd? Okay, fashion Padawan, I’m glad you asked.

A few seasons ago, it was the time of the giant dress, but now tis the time of the enormous pants!

The era of skinny jeans is over, at least, for the moment, they’re bound to stage a comeback at some point, sneaky little skinnies, but for the moment embrace the giant pants movement, as embodied in sold-out chinos from J.Crew.

Oversized has been big (heh) in haute fashion circles for quite some time, but it is interesting to see it trickle down — or maybe the correct term would be deluge down. Like a fabric tsunami. Whatever viral fashion meme suddenly invaded everyone’s brains and made them decide that huge pants were the bomb, thank you! It’s a nice change from noodle-legs.

Are there other items that you can add to complete the look? Why yes, indeed. If you have access to your grandfather’s closet, steal as much as you can. Take the tweed, hijack the khakis and stuff newspaper into the toes of his old brogues so that you can clomp around in big shoes, like a goddamn Clydesdale. They’re big too.

If you want to fit in and also hide out at the same time, simply find the biggest clothes you can and climb inside. Huge jeans, enormous jackets, a bag that can accommodate an entire German shepherd. Yes, yes, yes, I want it all.

What else is hot this year? Garbage bags!

That some of the most coveted articles of clothing would be sold out of enormous black trash bags has a certain je ne sais quoi to it. The furor that erupted in the fashion world when Kanye West, musician-turned-sometime-designer, decided that his covetable new collaboration with the Gap would be sold out of giant trash bags was something to see. I don’t know why West decided this was the thing to do — but it’s fashion, okay? You don’t have to explain anything to anyone. Ever.

Anyhoo!

There are always a few things that are timeless fall classics, like the experience of donning all your new attire in the coolness of the morning and being reduced to pile of sweaty rags in the afternoon heat.

The pain of new shoes. Thus, was it ever. Endure, Padawan…

In keeping with the times, an N95 mask might be just the thing to separate you from the hoi polloi and their germy ways, so wear your protection proudly.

If you need any further convincing about the transformative power of clothing, cue up sequences of back-to-school makeovers from movies and let them cover you from head to toe like so many plaid skirts and chunky sweaters.

Before we return to the immediate moment at hand, let me share one more memory about the ability of fashion to remake a person, body and soul.

On the first day of school in 1984, my parents herded my brothers, my sister and me into an untidy lineup for the annual first day photo. It was the unveiling of my new persona as a punk. Getting on the school bus that day was something of a nerve-wrecking/wracking experience.

For teenagers, then as now, clothes were a form of social currency, a means not only to assert your identity but also to level up in terms of the social hierarchy. I got my ass handed to me from a few boneheads, but I also felt free, new and open to any and all possibilities.

As the current crop of elementary, high school and university kids kit themselves up for the coming year, it’s a reminder that everything is fleeting, fashion most of all, so make the best of the time and season, and have fun this September.