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[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]
Dear Dr. Steve,
Prime Minister Mark Carney and Alberta Premier Danielle Smith have signed a memorandum of understanding to build a new pipeline to the B.C. coast. Smith is trumpeting this as a big win, but B.C. Premier David Eby says the deal is essentially meaningless with no private partner or First Nations agreement.
Who's right, Dr. Steve?
Signed,
Em Oyu
Dear Em,
[Scene: Mark Carney and Danielle Smith sit on a bench on an empty stage.]
SMITH: Words! How tired I am of words.
CARNEY: Yes. Enough of them!
SMITH: Shall we lay pipe?
CARNEY: Yes, let's. See? A memorandum!
SMITH: Understanding!
CARNEY: The memorandum is signed!
SMITH: Let us begin!
CARNEY: Yes! Let us lay pipe!
[They continue to sit.]
— Waiting for Piper, Bitumen Beckett
You might also dramatize this agreement as a production of “The Emperor's New Pipeline,” or the beloved tale of Peter Petro, who lives in Never-Never-Happen Land — but the project survives if you only believe.
Perhaps the best allegorical fairy tale would be “Pipinocchio.” He's just a memorandum but dreams of becoming a real pipeline. And if the Carney government keeps lying about its commitment to environmental stewardship, that pipeline will grow longer and longer...
Not everyone thinks the memorandum is pure fantasy. Liberal Steven Guilbeault resigned from cabinet over the deal — clearly, he does not believe the MOU is a Mother Goose fable. More to the point, Guilbeault, who was environment minister in Justin Trudeau’s cabinet, apparently sees this as a changing of the guard.
There may or may not be a brand new project — the possibility has been floated that the plan will eventually lead to some sort of expansion of the Trans Mountain pipeline — but the MOU is telling a whole new story.
The Carney government will not be battling Alberta anymore. If Smith wants to tilt at windmills (and solar), she'll now be accompanied by a faithful Prime Minister Sancho Panza.
Mark Carney and Danielle Smith? Did somebody forget how to swipe left? The words of Ghostbuster Bill Murray come to mind: “Cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!” This pairing is enough to make you long for more stories about Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry.
Dr. Steve is not the only one who thinks it's a match made in error. At the recent United Conservative Party convention, Smith was booed while trying to celebrate the partnership. (Political opponents might be pleased to hear Smith getting jeered at her own party convention. Such people should pause and consider that Smith was essentially being booed by a UCP audience that thought she was too sensible and conciliatory. These are people who think Margaret Thatcher was a sellout. You can't even get through the door of a UCP convention without a 10-gallon tinfoil hat and a Laura Loomer tattoo.)
The UCP diehards have their own version of epic fantasy tales, with their own villains. For them, the spectacle of Carney and Smith shaking hands is like a horrific remake of The Empire Strikes Back. Darth Vader says to Luke, “Join me,” and Luke says, “Sure, why not?”
But that's politics. One day you're battling an arch-nemesis, next day it's Batman and Joker, partners in crime. Or, to keep with the fairy tale theme, Carney has identified Donald Trump as the Big Bad Wolf. Time for all the little piggies to work together.
Then throw in something about the Pied Piper. One way or another, it could all end up pretty Grimm. ![[Tyee]](/design-article.thetyee.ca/ui/img/yellowblob.png){kind=small}
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