Please Advise! Alberta’s Calling. Should I Hang Up?

[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]

Dear Dr. Steve,

Last week in Grande Prairie, Deputy Prime Minister Chrystia Freeland was ambushed by a far-right activist who hurled abuse and told her to leave.

Meanwhile the province recently launched an ad campaign to encourage people to move to the province, with the slogan “Alberta Is Calling.”

Is Alberta delivering a mixed message?

Signed,

BC

Dear BC,

Not necessarily. Alberta is certainly calling — you can hear it on the Grande Prairie video, loud and clear. And to be fair, the ad campaign doesn't specify exactly who is being called. Maybe they're using dog whistles.

The “Alberta Is Calling” campaign boasts of Alberta's affordability, short commutes, beautiful scenery and abundance of abusive, bearded wingnuts. Or perhaps that last benefit is merely implied? Officially, the promotional push only features radio ads, billboards, posters and a website. But who knows? Maybe they have been planning a more targeted strategy. Trotting out a crazed bridge troll to bark at the deputy prime minister may well have been key to the overall plan — sort of, “Yes, Alberta is calling, but not to everybody, if you catch our drift.”

Maybe you think Dr. Steve is going down a conspiratorial rabbit hole by suggesting the Grande Prairie Goon was part of a covert government plan. Perhaps — conspiracies are very hot right now and Dr. Steve does like to stay on the cutting edge. Still, there's something there. Just look at the results. Alberta spent millions on its traditional promo campaign, and then this random knuckle-dragger comes along and gets as much free media as if he'd just fired Lisa LaFlamme. If his attack on Freeland really was part of a media strategy, it was a smash hit.

And consider: who exactly is Alberta calling? There will be an Alberta provincial election next year and the reigning UCP is not doing so well in the polls. Does it seem likely they would be calling a bunch of socialists? Are they calling people concerned about climate change? Hell no. That would be like a Quebec ad campaign titled “Calling anglophones! Montreal a beaucoup de parking et le weekend fun!”

No, the UCP is unlikely to be calling just anybody. They are calling people who appreciate the province's scenic beauty on a deeper level — for example, the potential coal deposits. They are calling people who appreciate lower taxes not simply for the personal savings they represent but also for their potential to strangle big government. The absence of sales tax will not only keep money in your pocket, friends — it also keeps it out of the hands of those damn hippies lying in the road to block traffic for some reason. They are calling for people who will come to Alberta to settle down, raise families, become sovereign citizens, reject federal authority, mainline hydroxychloroquine and start blaming patients for their own cancer.

Planned or not, the Grande Prairie incident did attract a ton of attention. And they do say there's no such thing as bad publicity. Certainly that's the attitude taken by the attacker himself, who is apparently quite proud to have behaved like a pair of sentient truck nuts. The self-appointed head of the Freeland Convoy may well have positioned himself as a viable write-in challenger to Pierre Poilievre. He's certainly been on TV just as frequently this week. Poilievre condemned the attack in perfunctory fashion but he may actually be more concerned about potential vote-splitting. Hey, if Poilievre keeps babbling about the sinister World Economic Forum, maybe Mr. Grunt Prairie will be able to position himself as the moderate alternative.

It has been pointed out that Freeland was born in Alberta, so it was not much of a welcome mat for a returning native. Not to worry, though — things will probably go much more smoothly when Ted Cruz comes home. Alberta is calling, Ted! And there's a job vacancy opening up soon.