Opinion

Premier Clark and the Lieutenant Governor: What Really Happened

Mystery surrounds Clark’s 90-minute meeting with the LG. Here’s the inside scoop.

By Steve Burgess 30 Jun 2017 | TheTyee.ca

Steve Burgess writes about politics and culture for The Tyee. Find his previous articles here.

[Editor's note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a Ph.D in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands.]

Just before 5:30 p.m. Thursday, the BC Liberals lost a confidence vote in the legislature. Soon after, Premier Christy Clark went to visit B.C. Lieutenant Governor Judith Guichon at Government House in Victoria. While media waited outside and and a news helicopter hovered overhead, the meeting stretched on for 90 minutes, much longer than anticipated.

Now the Tyee has received an unofficial transcript of the conversation between Clark and the lieutenant-governor.

Lieutenant-governor: Welcome, Premier Clark.

Clark: Good to be here, Your Holiness.

Lieutenant-governor: Your Honour will suffice.

Clark: Nice place you got here. Shame if anything were to happen to it.

Lieutenant-governor: Premier, you have lost the confidence of the House.

Clark: Sure, sure but listen — I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse.

Lieutenant-governor: I refuse.

Clark:...

Lieutenant-governor: So if there's nothing further...

Clark: What if I told you this building is surrounded by ninjas?

Lieutenant-governor:...

Clark: No? OK, what if I told you I have three kilos of plastic explosives strapped to my waist? Dissolve the legislature or so help me...

Lieutenant-governor:....

Clark: So. How about this weather, huh?

Lieutenant-governor: If we can move this along...

Clark: Oh look, a cribbage board! Fancy a game?

Lieutenant-governor: Premier...

Clark: Hey, I brought along my high school yearbook! Here I am in Grade 10. Did my own lighting for that shot. Here I am on the chess team. My strategy was to outspend my opponent. Say, do you play?

Lieutenant-governor: Premier, are you stalling?

Clark: Look, it’s just that if I can stay premier for another 45 minutes I qualify for this huge Air Miles bonus...

Lieutenant-governor: There will be no new election.

Clark: Pretty please? I’ll even help people. For real this time.

Lieutenant-governor: I will soon be visited by NDP leader John Horgan.

Clark: Ooh, I’ve had that nightmare too. I always wake up screaming, sheets soaked in sweat. Last time it happened Horgan was rattling chains, saying, “Mankind is my business.” Catchy. I told him I’d put that in the new Throne Speech. Then I was visited by the Ghost of Supreme Court Decisions Past...

Lieutenant-governor: I will be asking Mr. Horgan to...

Clark: Lend you five bucks? Don’t bother. Cut out the middle man and go straight to his union buddies.

Lieutenant-governor: ...I’ll be asking him to form a government and... Madame Premier, where are you going?

Clark: Just going to take a quick bubble bath. It’s been one hell of a day. We’ll talk later, OK?

Lieutenant-governor: SECURITY....  [Tyee]

Read more: BC Politics

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