Peter MacKay: Time to Sex up Your Ride!

Honourable Peter MacKay
Minister of National Defence
Major-General George R. Pearkes Building
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0K2

Dear Mr. MacKay,

What happened? As minister of national defence, defender of the realm and master of all-things-that-go-bang, you used to dominate military procurement in Canada. And you did so with real panache!

You gave speeches in front of Leopard Tanks, stood boldly on top of second-hand submarines, blessed new C-17 transport airplanes and even stuck your head out the top of a C-130 Hercules. Most famously, you piloted a cardboard mock-up of an F-35.

You demonstrated a particular, almost personal interest in helicopters. You buzzed around in this hot little number, acquired by the Coast Guard with the help of a family friend. You impressed your own buddies by arranging to be winched away from a fishing camp by a CH-149 Cormorant.

Jean Chrétien was impressed by the solid and powerful Cormorant too, and described it as a "Cadillac." Though you have to admit: it's not exactly sexy, at least when painted yellow.

Still, it's a lot more fashionable than a Sea King, which is what Canada's brave naval aviators have been flying for the last 50 years.

Incidentally, we couldn't find any pictures of you in a Sea King. Is someone concerned about your safety? Or did your image consultant veto that joyride?

No worries! When the staid and stolid Sea Kings are finally replaced, you'll be in for a new ride. And let us tell you, the selection of maritime helicopters on the market really is exciting!

Heavy rotation

Check out the MH-60R Romeo, the choice of the U.S. Navy. Such a sexy name! And yes, those are Hellfire missiles!

Then there's the EC-725 Super Cougar, the perfect choice for the younger man. Lots of experience and some really hot add-ons!

Our European friends also make the NH-90 NATO Frigate Helicopter. With its smooth airframe and sexy curves, it's both beautiful and menacing: the Aston Martin Vanquish of the skies.

But here's the rub. You lost control of the procurement file after that little slip-up with the F-35s.

It's all gone: the roughly $240 billion that you -- the minister of national defence -- had to spend on new ships, planes and helicopters. All that money, all that opportunity, handed to Public Works Minister Rona Ambrose instead.

You're now the minister without a purpose: the Minister of Silly Walks.

But here's what must really choke you up. Ms. Ambrose is about to replace the trusty old Sea King with the CH-148 Cyclone.

As you admitted last July, the Cyclones are "the worst procurement in the history of Canada." Defence officials "fixed the specs" so as to exclude other, proven helicopters. They wanted a cutting-edge aircraft: one that was, at the time, still in the design phase. Then, after the procurement was approved, they added new electronics and weapons onto the design. But all the additional equipment proved too heavy for the engines, which meant that more powerful engines had to be designed and fitted, which in turn required a lengthy and expensive re-engineering of the entire helicopter. Your fishing buddies will have a colourful expression for situations like this.

Not your style

Not surprisingly, no other country has selected the beleaguered Cyclone. Our allies are buying Romeos, Super Cougars and NATO Frigate Helicopters instead, leaving Canadian companies bereft of the economic benefits of building Cyclone parts for other countries.

But as disturbing these problems may be, we urge you to consider your own, all-important needs.

The Cyclone is the aesthetic equivalent of a minivan. Can you imagine being flown away from your buddies in this? When you could have this?

Come on Mr. MacKay, where's your pride? It's time to stand up to the big guy. It's time to sex up your ride!