If This Is the Apocalypse, at Least Dress for It

Here we are at home, no one to get dressed up for and nowhere to go. It’s a mite sad. But fashion is a flexible creature, adapting to different circumstances.

And who wants to be wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants during what feels like the end of the world?

If you’re eager to go beyond the basic blah ensemble, here are some simple and easy options to update your look.

It’s not just about maintaining your sanity or staving off the doldrums, but about letting your creativity flow, erupt even, into a new style identity.

Armani? Nah, it’s Armageddon

Science fiction and genre movies offer a bevy of ideas on what to wear when the world is ending.

Smeared mascara and a shaved head are a good place to start. Then add in some kicky accessories like multiple piercings or homemade tattoos.

Leather, preferably distressed, is always big. A catsuit, such as the one worn by a young, less obviously racist Mel Gibson in Mad Max set the tone for generations of dystopic films to follow. Like a Chanel suit or a Hermès Kelly bag, it is a classic.

The film’s sequel, Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, kicked it up a notch, and you can’t go wrong with the character Humungus’s iconic ensemble. If you want to channel the “Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla,” there are few things you can do. Sourcing a vintage hockey mask might prove a little challenging, but in a pinch a colander will do. Just dump out the spaghetti noodles, thread a couple of elastic bands through the holes and affix it to your freshly shaven head. Hey, presto, you are in style.

For those who failed to stock up on toilet paper, there is the giant diaper look. You need only take a gander at the sci-fi classic Zardoz, starring Sean Connery, for inspiration. Pair a big red diaper, a bandolier and a glossy man-braid and watch the women come running. A thick pelt of chest hair completes the look and will also come in handy when winter arrives. Cozy!

Or go full fashion fury, like the Hunger Games citizens with their dyed-blue eyebrows and rainbow attire. If you’re sleek and slender as a seal, a retro skin-tight jumpsuit that wouldn’t look out of place in Logan’s Run is a possibility. Like the film, once you’re over 30 these jumpsuits can make you spontaneously combust.

Another slightly more forgiving option is gauzy new age fashion, something I like call the parachute club because it reminds of the ’80s Canadian band. Also it’s a look based on excess material, most of it billowing around you. There are lots of different options — balloon pants, caftans and wraps, all in earth tones, preferably bone or ochre. Linen, hemp, natural fibres are key. If you tire of this look, you can always roll it up and smoke it.

Homegrown looks

With the stores mostly closed and even online shopping slowing down, your own home can offer up the components of an entirely new wardrobe.

The kitchen and the bathroom can be a great source of fashion ideas. Metal jar lids, pounded flat with a big rock from the garden, make for some cute breastplates. Ass-less chaps fashioned from an ancient green bathmat can work for those with a taste for the more outré. Add a shower-curtain cape and you’re good to go.

The bedroom is also rich with possibilities. Blankets are a fun and creative way to update your wardrobe; you can mummify yourself with the neo-swaddling look. Comforting and confining! Even if you wanted to go outside, you won’t be able to move in this hot little number.

With the Rome burning, Nero fiddling and neo-Caligula motifs all over the headlines, sheets are back big time. Make a toga and channel the debauchery of an ancient empire. Orgies might be out, but vomitoriums here you come!

Even the garage can offer inspiration. If you were already partial to designer Ric Owens’ neo-goth aesthetic, now is your time. With some black garbage bags, you can make shorts, skorts or maybe even culottes! Your only limit is your imagination. If you don’t have much of one, just cut a hole in the top of the bag, pull it over your head and put yourself out for collection on garbage pickup day.

Bras be gone

Here are a few other quick and fun options to keep you fashion forward.

A leaning tower of hats. Pile every single toque, sombrero, ball cap and fascinator that you can find and wear them all at once. You might strain your neck, but you will look cool, even as you take out all the light fixtures on the ceiling.

Inner wear as outerwear. Since you won’t be leaving the house for a while, underpants can emerge from the wings, as it were, and take a starring role. You might never put on pants again. An added bonus: women of the world, you are finally liberated from the great boobie oppressors and compressors! Burn all your bras in a glorious backyard bonfire and jump around. Scare the birds and finally get some air under those suckers.

Grow your own fashion. Howard Hughes was onto something. The man knew how to rock a reclusive look. Throw away your razors and let your body hair and fingernails go nuts. Soon you will be covered in nice thick insulating layer to keep warm and help repel predators who won’t be able to bite through your protective outer coating. An added bonus: you will have your own claws! Paint them jungle red.

When life finally returns to normal, if it ever does, you might never want to give up the level of clothing comfort and strangeness to which you have become accustomed. You can let your freak flag fly and also wear it as a muumuu.