Please Advise! Is Carney’s Big Tent Turning into a Circus?

[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]

Dear Dr. Steve,

There's been yet another parliamentary floor-crossing. This time Conservative MP Marilyn Gladu has gone over to the Liberals. It’s kind of strange — Gladu is not exactly a moderate. She’s been anti-abortion, pro-hydroxychloroquine, anti-pot legalization, pro-conversion therapy and anti-climate change acceptance, to name a few positions.

Coming so soon after the defection of NDP MP Lori Idlout, it makes you wonder: Just how big is Prime Minister Mark Carney’s big tent?

Signed,

Sadu

Dear Sadu,

Bob Seger has a song called “Feel Like a Number.” “I’m not a number!” Bob insists, musically.

Well, Bob, that’s because you’re not in Parliament. When the people send you to Ottawa, you might as well get a team jersey with a big “1” on the back. You may have run for office proclaiming your integrity, your values, your peerless work ethic, your sparkling, clean teeth, your matching belt and shoes.

But once in Ottawa, you are a bum — a bum in a seat, a shell in the armoury, another brick in the wall upon which the leader sits. You are math personified.

In that sense, Marilyn Gladu and Lori Idlout are about as different as digits in an equation. That equation: 169 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + x + x + x = Easy Street. Monday’s three byelections are now virtually certain to cement the Carney government’s majority status. Then Carney can pass any legislation he proposes and if the opposition doesn’t like it, well, there are wide, sunny beaches all around the country where they can pound sand. Conversion therapy? How about conversion to a parliamentary majority? What’s a little glass of hydroxychloroquine on the rocks compared to that?

But talk about a big tent. Carney’s Liberal tent is now bigger than West Edmonton Mall and the Kennedy Space Center combined. His come-one-come-all approach is either deeply cynical or highly illuminating, depending on your perspective.

The cynical part comes easy. If the increasingly popular prediction markets had been taking bets on a Gladu defection, the smart money would have been on Maxime Bernier’s People’s Party. Her Ontario riding is Sarnia-Lambton-Bkejwanong, but you’d have been forgiven for assuming she is the MP from Beyond the Fringe.

Gladu is no friend of GLAAD. She voted against a bill opposing conversion therapy. And climate issues? Hannah Hodson posted on Bluesky on Wednesday: “When I was a CPC staffer trying to get them to accept climate change as real, Gladu would often remark that we didn’t need climate action because Canada has trees.”

Gladu was also an avid supporter of the 2022 “Freedom Convoy” that descended on Ottawa. But hey, those rootin’ tootin’ truckers could probably roll right into the parliamentary parking garage now — the prime minister will validate their tickets, pose for selfies and hand out free upside-down flags.

“She’s going to be a great member of our team,” Carney said Wednesday. “Lots of energy, ideas, advice on a wide range of issues.”

Makes you wonder what Carney would say if Jeffrey Epstein had ever joined the Liberals. “Lots of experience, important connections, very effective manager. Look forward to working with him.”

If Carney’s acceptance of Gladu seems weird, it is no stranger than Gladu’s decision to cross. Her riding is a safe Conservative seat. Why betray her voters? Either she was promised a brand new ivermectin-dewormed pony or the Liberal lounge makes a mighty fine cup of coffee.

Who knows what noise Gladu might make in her new political home? Certainly Michael Ma, another defector from the Conservatives, recently had to backtrack after pooh-poohing claims of Chinese government forced labour. Gladu should be good for a few solid embarrassments, too. Carney will count himself lucky if she isn’t regularly leaving piles of freshly-dewormed horse manure all over the back benches.

Gladu has previously accused the Carney government of “tyranny.” But to be fair, she didn’t necessarily say that was a bad thing. Looking at Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre, Gladu probably got tyrant envy. She wanted to join a party where they do tyranny right. Poor old Pierre — his whip just doesn’t crack anymore.

And that’s the illuminating aspect of this event — it highlights the distribution of parliamentary power in Canada. In federal elections, voters are asked to choose an individual in each riding and everybody pretends the identity and character of the individual matters. In fact, a 100-kilogram sack of fertilizer would serve just as well, as long as it was rigged up to say “Aye” or “Nay.” MPs might gain a certain amount of influence if promoted to cabinet but otherwise, they are about as independent as a string of baby ducks. So Gladu’s outré views matter about as much to Carney as those of the guy on the next bar stool.

In 1593, Henry IV, an avowed Protestant, decided to join Team Pope in order to claim the throne of France. “Paris is worth a mass,” was the remark attributed to him.

In this week’s scenario, you might cast either Gladu or Carney in the role of Henry. They’re both cutting the best deal they can get.