Please Advise! How Did Doerkson Win So Big?

[Editor’s note: Steve Burgess is an accredited spin doctor with a PhD in Centrifugal Rhetoric from the University of SASE, situated on the lovely campus of PO Box 7650, Cayman Islands. In this space he dispenses PR advice to politicians, the rich and famous, the troubled and well-heeled, the wealthy and gullible.]

Dear Dr. Steve,

The provincial election is over. The B.C. Conservatives won big. Really big. Were you surprised?

Signed,

Blue

Dear Blue,

Boston Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner let a ball dribble between his legs in the 1986 World Series, allowing the New York Mets to eventually go on and win; Seattle Seahawk Russell Wilson threw a goal-line interception to blow Super Bowl XLIX; the Saskatchewan Roughriders had an extra man on the field at the end of the game, and it cost them the 2009 Grey Cup.

Now please welcome to that pantheon of failure David Eby, whose own massive miscalculation just handed government to the Conservative Party of BC.

Out on the trail, Eby told B.C. voters the government needed a bigger mandate. Good news on that front, Dave — the government's mandate is now huge. Careful what you wish for, and all that.

It seemed impossible that voters would be so angry at Eby’s election ploy that they would decide to completely change their core beliefs.

And it seems they didn’t. The Conservatives got 861,000 votes, about 50,000 less than in 2024. The difference came on the other side of the ledger — the NDP vote total dropped by roughly 274,000 to 670,000. NDP voters didn't suddenly put on Conservative hats. Some of them put on pyjamas and stayed home. Many others went Green. There were ridings where that made a difference, such as Saanich South, where the combined NDP-Green vote would have swamped eventual Conservative winner Cathie Ounsted.

For the most part, though, removing the NDP-Green vote split would have changed only the margin of defeat. This election was a landslide, not a cliffhanger.

Saturday night pundits were giving credit to the Conservatives for a smart campaign strategy. Perhaps. But the first gift-wrapped break they got was courtesy of Eby himself: the leadership of Lorne Doerkson. The Conservative membership, left to their own devices, are inclined to elect leaders along the lines of Vlad the Impaler, or maybe Vancouver's recently captured rabid skunk.

Instead, thanks to the exquisite timing of Eby’s election call, they were led into battle by an interim leader who is about as rabid as a goldfish. With voters deeply annoyed, the Conservatives did indeed play it smart during the campaign — they basically shut the hell up and ate popcorn. Everybody loves a good disaster movie.

The vote tabulation was expected to take a while because the votes were hand-counted — also hand-painted and infused with your choice of matcha, kombucha or citrus/mint. Under a B.C. Conservative regime, that sort of nonsense will stop. Anyway, as it turned out, the result was anything but delayed. The contest lasted about as long as Mike Tyson versus Marvis Frazier.

A triumphant premier-designate Doerkson took the stage at the Rocky Mountaineer Station, backed by more fireworks than a leaky zeppelin. It was fitting, since the venue was the same one where just last May the party had attempted to torch its election prospects by choosing Kerry-Lynne Findlay.

Imagine — she resigned only five weeks ago. It’s been said a week is a long time in politics. But Albert Einstein said that time is relative. Both proved true. For the Conservatives, the last five weeks stretched out like dog years. For Eby, those five weeks were an eyeblink. The NDP campaign was a broken bungee jump into a kiddie pool. The trajectory was straight, the velocity unrelenting, the outcome grisly.

Doerkson's election-night enthusiasm was rather touching. There have been Miss Universe winners who looked bored by comparison. He resembled a newly elected student council president. More dances! More school spirit! Repeal DRIPA! Go, Lions!

Will success spoil Doerkson? More to the point, will Doerkson's success tame the B.C. Conservatives? It remains a coalition of former Liberals and current loons. There are almost certain to be bozo eruptions in the months ahead.

Doerkson may be sitting pretty this week, but the former rodeo rider has just mounted up for what could be his wildest ride yet.