The Meaning of Hockey, Chapter 35

“We’re going to play to the best of our ability, we’re going to practice to the best of our ability and we will always have fun,” said Bobby, who stood at center ice with 20 players plus Troy and Brendan, gathered around him. “We’re going to have fun, so we’re going to win. We’re going to win, so we’re going to have fun.”

Some of the players nodded their heads, as if they understood.

“I’m not asking you to agree with me, right now,” Bobby said. “I’m not even asking that you understand. What I am asking, is to trust that I do know what I am talking about; to credit me, Bobby Benoit, with some wisdom learned in 40 years playing all levels of hockey. Trust that I am wise enough to have learned what it takes to win.”

Many of the players nodded this time.

“Everybody put their sticks down and take their helmets off and move in a bit closer,” said Bobby.

The circle around center ice became tighter.

“For some of you this is your first practice as a member of the Vancouver Totems,” said Bobby. “For all of us, this is the most important practice in the history of the team.”

Bobby slowly skated in and out of the circle so that he could make eye contact, at least for a few moments with each player.

“It is the most important practice because that’s the attitude you need to bring each and every day, if you want to be a Totem. It is also the most important practice because it is the introduction to a new team sport philosophy for some of you. Those of you who have been with the team for a while have already heard me speak about this and I’m sure those of you who are newcomers, have also heard about your crazy new coach/owner and general manager.”

A couple of players smiled.

“Well, you’re welcome to think I am crazy, so long as you trust that the ideas I am about to express are, in fact, based on my rather lengthy hockey experience and so long as you trust me enough to give my ideas a chance to work,” said Bobby. “If you trust me that much, I will, in return, trust you.

“And what will my trusting you mean exactly? It means I will trust you to perform at your optimal level, the best you are capable of. It means I will trust you to be the judge of what sort of off-ice behavior is best for optimal performance. It will not, however, mean that there will be no rules. Instead, the rules will be decided by us, as a team. In other words, we play anarchist hockey.”

Bobby went back to the red dot at center ice and picked up his stick. He leaned on it.

“Why anarchist hockey?” he said, “Well, as you all probably know, I played in the NHL for eighteen or so years. I played junior. I played minor hockey. Since I retired from playing, I have coached. Now, I am coach and owner. As you might imagine, I have invested a lot of my time and just about all of my money in this team. I want it to be a success like I’m sure each and every one of you also wants your team to be successful, because it’s a hell of a lot more fun and besides, it will increase your chances of signing one of those multi-million dollar NHL rookie contracts.”

“Anarchists on ice and capitalists at the bank,” said Vicente and everyone laughed.

Bobby nodded.

“We all have our dreams, but most important to me is we have an opportunity to do something significant. What I want is for us to achieve greatness. I want the Totems to be remembered. I want coaches and players for decades to remember us and try to be like us. My goal is to take players from wherever I can find them, players about whom people say ‘he could be great, but …’ and I want the Totems to be the team where those players finally achieve greatness.”

Nods of agreement came from most of the players.

“But equally as important I want to achieve something that will have lasting effect on the game itself. I believe we have gone through a decade of boring defensive hockey where coaches’ systems have taken over from trusting in the freedom and creativity of the players. I believe hockey was meant to be a wide-open game with constant scoring opportunities. It’s game that should always be played on the attack. Fast, furious and free — that will be our motto. We need to get rid of the focus on coaching and put it back where it belongs, on the players. Anarchist hockey will mean a revolution in the way the game is played.”

More nods all around and even a few cheers.

“Fast, furious and free. Everyone understand?”

There was mostly assent; a few faces revealed uncertainty and no one voiced disagreement.

***

Living with a son was strange. Nice strange. But definitely unlike anything he had done before.

Bobby had assumed that because Mike had grown up in Boston, with a lesbian mother, he would be completely different in personality, not at all similar to his biological father. But, in fact, father and son shared many traits.

Mike liked to daydream and he enjoyed telling stories, just like his old man.

“I met this way cool woman today …

“You know Vancouver has like this 30-year old punk scene. No shit. I met a guy today who is older than you and he actually played …

“We went out to Lighthouse Park today and smoked some really strong shit, I mean, this place has some awesome dope.”

How could he be judgmental? Neither the relationship’s nor his history lent moral authority.

Still, he worried, a little.

***

“I’m making progress, right?” said Bobby.

Frida shrugged.

“Every sleepless night I stare at the characteristics of your perfect partner written on my bedroom walls and I repeat them to myself ten times every day. ‘Thoughtful, kind, caring, a good story teller, funny, strong but gentle, wise, well read, capable of clearly explaining complicated theories, not too career focused, a good friend, a good lover, a good father, finds you sexy at every age, possesses a smile that lifts your spirits, is an eternal optimist, is patient, is considerate of your side of the story, is neat, smells nice, wants to snuggle an awful lot, loves to go for long walks holding hands, is interesting, finds you fascinating, has a face that lights up every time he sees you, looks at the world in a weird and novel way like a perpetual child, but is mature and responsible — a multi-faceted individual.’ Plus I now know everything there is to know about propaganda by the deed, much of which, I might add, I find very troubling.”

“You are crazy,” said Frida, smiling.

“I am losing my mind,” said Bobby. “Maybe I’ve already lost it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m losing my sense of past, present and future. But maybe that’s what you need to do to truly become a different person. Sometimes I wake up from a daze and hours, even days, have gone by. I remember some of what happened, but it’s like I wasn’t there when it occurred. At least not the conscious part of me. I’ve been disconnected.”

“You’re still not sleeping?” she asked.

Bobby shook his head.

“I can’t,” he said. “Not until …”

“Don’t say it.”

“I can’t help it,” he said.

“I know, I know. You promised ‘complete honesty,’” she said.

“I’ll sleep after we make love,” he said.

Frida stood and walked out of the living room. She pretended to be angry, but Bobby knew she wasn’t. He followed her into the kitchen.

“I’ll sleep after we make love, you win your bet and my son agrees to join the Totems and stops smoking dope.”

Frida pretended to ignore him as she opened the fridge door.

“I’ll sleep after we make love, you win your bet, my son agrees to join the Totems, he stops smoking dope and he goes in the first round of next year’s NHL draft.”

Frida closed the fridge door and glared at Bobby.

Those eyes.

“I’ll sleep after we make love, you win your bet, my son agrees to join the Totems, he stops smoking dope and he goes in the first round of next year’s NHL draft and I figure out what the hell is the point of my existence.”

Frida sat at the kitchen table. She looked up at Bobby and shook her head.

“Should I add world peace and an end to famine to the list?” said Bobby.

She smiled again.

“We’re too old for sex to be this important,” she said.

“We’re too old not to enjoy every last chance we have to enjoy sex,” he answered.

She answered with another smile.

“I’ll think about it.”

Pursuit. Why does it feel good to pursue a woman?

“What did Mike say about playing for the Totems?” she asked, trying to change the subject.

“‘I’ll think about it,’” Bobby said.

Frida offered yet another grin. Bobby leaned over and kissed her on the top of her head as his hands touched her shoulders. She stood.

“I’ll think about it.”

Next Chapter: Monday

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