My Celebrity Grad Space .com
Prom is back, with a vengeance.
Prom: 1950s ideas, 2006 technology.
What’s the number one thing grade 12s are thinking about right now? OK, aside from that, they’re thinking about grad. That’s because Canadian grads have gone from small, awkward affairs featuring cheap taffeta and poorly fitting rental suits in high school gymnasiums to lavish, often five-part events spanning the entire school year and requiring designer dresses and professional hair. And this weekend, towns and cities in BC will be swarming with limos and glittery things as grade 12s rejoice in the grand finale of their year-long celebration.
A few weeks ago, Stephen Colbert raised a flag of concern about this escalating trend in the US. He urged responsible men to volunteer to supervise grad as part of the “Stephen Colbert Guardian Eagles.” Why? “The morals are dangerously thin, even thinner than teenaged girls think they should be,” he said with an almost straight face. “Men: go out to prom and watch those girls with your eagle eyes,” he instructed. “But please, no perverts.”
Morals aside, grads are becoming a bigger phenomenon. The media relations department at the Pan Pacific Vancouver, which teens often say is the most desirable place to hold one of these shindigs, says that every year for the last ten years they’ve had more bookings.
Wedding warm up
They’re more time consuming, commercial, expensive, and full of ever-higher expectations: the teen equivalent of wedding mania. But in this case, the driving force isn’t just the ever more elusive search for romantic love, but the commercialization of childhood and changes in technology. Oh and celebrity.
So what are grads like now? Remember wearing a dress your mom helped you pick out that pulled in all the wrong places? Or throwing up in a garbage can in someone’s basement, or on your date? Well, they’re not like that.
Here’s the range. In one school in Abbotsford, in addition to pranks and sleepovers, they have a prom (where you dress up) that costs $75, and a commencement where grads wear black gowns and stream in carrying lanterns, then get their dogwood diplomas. That’s pretty basic, as far as it goes.
At the other end, in a West Vancouver school, there’s a grade 11 and 12 prom in the fall (at a cost of $125 a ticket), a grad cruise in May ($50), a commencement lunch in a hotel in June (at $50 a ticket), and finally the grad dinner and dance, also at a hotel ($125 a ticket).
And that’s not including limos, corsages, new shoes and dresses. Teachers and students at several schools across BC told me the girls spend from $100 to $800 on dresses, sometimes as high as $1,500. At the school in West Vancouver, girls needed a cocktail dress for the fall prom, a suit or different dress for the commencement, and a floor-length gown for the June grad dinner and dance, and often a new dress of some sort for the grad boat cruise.
And then there’s hair and makeup. When I was a high school teacher a few years ago, I arrived to teach an English 12 class on the day of the prom. There were only three people in the class; the rest, I was told, were “having their hair done.”
“I coached track, and girls stopped running sprints in grade 12 and started running distance instead so they would lose the muscles in their thighs,” says Jen Muir, a former high school teacher who’s now completing her MA at UBC looking at young women in the media. “Then months before grad, they’d start dieting and it would even get competitive -- like who could lose the most weight. It’s just the same as friends of mine getting married now.”
Price of fun
Grads now parallel weddings in more ways than one. In the US, CNN reports the average price tag for a wedding is fast approaching $30,000, and represents a 73 percent increase during the past 15 years. All told, I spent $300 on my grad almost 15 years ago at a West Vancouver school, and that felt excessive (though I wore the shoes all summer at my brain-numbingly dull office job). The average cost at that same school now, including tickets, dress, shoes, hair, makeup, and flowers is $900 conservatively. That’s a 300 percent increase.
It’s ironic, because Grade 12 graduation counts less than it ever has. With what SFU associate arts dean Mary Ann Gillies calls “creeping credentialism,” kids know they need certificates, diplomas, apprenticeships and degrees just to do the most basic of jobs.
And if the goal of grad is to have the best time ever, the new hype might not be paying off. My grad was full of awkward moments (I stepped on my date’s dad’s feet several time and almost died in shame), then we all went to a friend’s basement and drank too much “jungle juice” (a mix of hard alcohol gleaned from parents’ liquor cabinets mixed with no-name brand soft drinks). No one was disappointed (except for the prerequisite girl crying in the bathroom) because that’s basically what we all expected. Now there’s the sense the moment has to feature angels singing in the background.
“I didn’t really have all that much fun, to be honest,” one 18-year old Vancouver girl told me. “It’s the kind of thing girls just sort of imagine since you’re really little. I mean, I did. It’s not as big as your wedding day but it’s close. And you imagine your prom is perfect and your dress is perfect and your date is perfect. It was still fun, just not as much fun as I thought it would be.
Stigma by omission
On the season finale of Gray’s Anatomy, several of the main characters confessed they hadn’t been to grad or hadn’t really enjoyed it. For different generations, that admission can be a rebel badge of pride. Now, in fact, grad has become such a big, mandatory occasion that there’s a charity devoted to it. As part of The Cinderella Project,“Cinderellas and Cinderfellas from the Greater Vancouver area come to Boutique Day to select their graduation outfits and celebrate their achievements,” states the website. “With the assistance of a ‘fairy godmother’ or ‘godfather,’ each grad selects a gown, suit or tuxedo, shoes, purse and accessories. Students have their hair and makeup done and receive gift bags full of essentials such as personal care products and toiletries.”
There are over 90 sponsors, including the federal and provincial governments, Coast Capital Savings, and Sears. Supplying underprivileged grads with dresses and suits for their big day, apparently, is as important or more important than funding extra learning support, extracurricular programs or job training opportunities.
It’s become most important feature of grade 12, more than exams or university admission. And it’s important to go big. “A decade ago, it was in the grunge era,” says Muir. “So we would have made fun of girls who got too dressed up. But now the idea of being ‘uncomplicated’ seems like a failure and the idea of being perfect seems ‘empowering.’ Girlhood now is about constant reinvention and constant contradiction. Having a big prom is actually a throwback to the 1950s, when prom was the last big event before marriage. It used to be the big sex night, and you usually ended up marrying your date. Back then, wearing high heels wasn’t about empowerment, it was just expected. But young women don’t understand that. And we’re even losing the sense that it’s about irony.”
I love me
But possibly even more than faux-empowerment, it’s about celebrity. A couple of months ago, the New York Times reported that self-portraits are the primary use of digital cameras in “Here I Am Taking My Own Picture” (article only available with payment). They’ve become a kind of folk art for the digital age. “For a generation raised on a mantra of self-esteem, striking a heroic, sultry or brooding pose and sharing it with the world comes naturally,” it reports. The article goes on to say: “Psychologists and others who study teenagers say the digital self-portraiture is an extension of behavior typical of the young, like trying on different identities, which earlier generations might have expressed through clothing and hairstyles.”
Indeed, it’s the only time young people have to complete a key part of their self-portrait photo album -- the red-carpet moment. “It’s your one opportunity to be dressed to the nines, to be a celebrity,” observed one 18-year old Vancouver girl.
Many young people have told me they upload their digital self-portraits to their MySpace, FaceBook, or Nexopia pages daily, and that they take these down almost equally quickly. It’s a way to document their current realities and current identities. The same 18-year-old young woman told me at least half her class had grad photos up on their online community pages the following day. And while they take down their usual self-portraits almost as quickly as they put them up, they leave grad photos on for a year or more. Some still have theirs up a few years later.
The glamorous, starlet shots show them in a variety of moods and poses: sexy, sultry, chic, friendly, gracious, thoughtful, haughty even. In those shots, it’s the biggest night of their lives. The pictures don’t let on whether it will be all downhill from there.
Vanessa Richmond is the assistant editor of The Tyee.
Related stories: Dorothy Woodend discovers girls who fight, and about how movies get kids all wrong, and Vanessa Richmond surveys the terrain of high school cheerleaders. ![[Tyee]](http://thetyee.cachefly.net/ui/img/ico_fishie.png){kind=small}
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notamused
5 years ago
Comments on "MyCelebrityGradSpace.com"
As father of a teen and a pre-teen, I'm quite disturbed by this story, and not only because of the amount of money I might have to shell out (which I admit does scare the hell out of me). Why do schools tolerate this example of hypermaterialism which celebrates the superficial and discriminates against both the poor and the unattractive? Are schools not supposed to be providing our children with a moral education?
The formal part of my 1982 high school grad in Vancouver consisted of a ceremony in the gym and a dinner at a restaurant. The informal part, which probably cost more than my suit and the restaurant meal combined, consisted of a weekend of non-stop drinking in celebration of the fact that we never had to go back to high school again. And there wasn't the pressure to perform that there seems to be today according to this article, largely because the selection of dates was done by the school to avoid the trauma of not being asked to the prom.
Today's festivities are totally out of proportion to the event they are celebrating. While graduating from high school is important because of the social and economic opportunities it affords, and the fact that "getting out" means teenagers can finally be treated as the adults they think they've always been, it can hardly be seen as a major accomplishment, given how little effort is required to get through and how many people succeed. I see it more as the end of a very awkward developmental stage.
I only hope that the small town in which we are raising our children is immune from this type of excess. If not, I guess my kids will have to start working now to pay for their proms (not to mention their $30,000 weddings).
Lantzvillain
5 years ago
Oh, Dear! Vanessa, you're on to something. Distressing though the topic is, I'm glad you brought it up.
Our 17-year old son and many of his peers, not much given to study at the best of times, have absolutely gone brain-dead in the last half of their grade 12 year. And they hardly paid any attention to "prom". Just got socially derailed in general. Heaven knows what the girls are doing and thinking - and spending!
I yearn to see schools back off on supporting these silly lavish special events, and while we're at it, let's tone down the increasingly tedious and pretentious commencement ceremonies. We sat through one in Nanaimo today that put me in mind of Mark Twain's great comment: "It is a terrible death, to be talked to death."
dorothy
5 years ago
-Where have you been? The job of the school as it stands today is to beat the stuffing out of the kids, so they'll spend the rest of their lives in a vain attempt at buiyng it back (their stuffing), as good little consumers.
In school, my kids were treated to a table with leftover junk food, which I would not feed them, or anyone, so that they could get rubbed in their face that this was how 'real' people were eating. Bewildered, they picked a few pieces to taste, and I was eventually handed a 'record' of what my children had thus shown clearly that they were deprived of at home. In other words, they had been stalked at the snack table by a school official! One of my kids did not own a parka deemed suitable for a class ski trip. He was lent one by someone better off. Then it disappeared on the way home, out of the back of the SUV of somebody, and the teacher had the gall to ask me to 'search once more', in a snide tone, mentioning the price of the piece, clearly imlying that one's greed for such an upscale piece of clothing just had to make it possible that, not possessing one, we would steal it from somebody else. If you think we tried to put our children in school in a 'better' neighbourhood, because we are pushy parents, think again. This was their supposed neighbourhood school, within a stone's throw of where we live.
The schools are professing the consumer culture loud and clear, almost like it might be replacing the religion they don't get. One teacher said, annoyed with a student having the sniffles in a very noisy way, that she could not imagine a home 'in this neighborhood', which would not be able to procure a box of Kleenex. My daughter informed her, that we used toilet paper in its place, because we consider Kleenex a ripoff. You had better believe that made her a social pariah, to the point where she would use a word the teacher didn't know, and be told there was no such word, fortunately being stubborn enough to haul the teacher down to the library and look in the 'big dictionary'. Open your eyes, please, and see what goes down. I am sure anyone with kids in school has similar examples. It is just so easy to make people feel they are the odd ones out and fearful of being considered 'freaks', and so it goes on, without anyone protesting much.
kootowl
5 years ago
At the high school where I work, there has been much discussion over the years concerning all things grad. About 15 years back, in one of my classes, many students opined that the dress-up "promenade" was something they dreaded. When asked why they didn't protest or campaign to end the ordeal, they rolled their eyes and moaned that there was no way the parents would let the event/tradition die or be euthanized.
To this day, the school is minimally involved in the promenade. Squads of mothers get the ball rolling in the winter and run the rehearsals, bookings, groupings, etc. until the event occurs in June. There used to be an afternoon social that required "sophisticated day wear" and that was eliminated only because the promenade became bigger each year.
In our staff room, the general consensus is that the cap and gown ceremony is the school's responsibility. However, grad seems to be a communityÂ*rite of passage that has little to do with school achievement for most kids. It marks the end of the young person's life as a community member, in some regards. After high school ends, many of the kids in small towns head for the big cities, in pursuit of higher education, or employment. Others go globe-trotting, or try relocating in another part of the country for reasons of their own.
I've been teaching for over 20 years around the province. Grad is a rite of passage, but the promenades/cavalcades/afternoon socials/ ballroom dances and/or formal walk-ups are not traditions foisted on kids by teachers in any of the districts I've lived and worked in. They are "community events" and the parents are the movers and the shakers...for better or worse.
As a teacher, I find the kids are so burned out by all the grad preparation that they are barely capable of doing anything related to the coursework after mid-May. The irony is not lost on these young people, either.
Former BC Boy
5 years ago
I'm not surprised to hear this.
All of this just reflects what is happening in North American society.
The scale of it was a bit surprising (my own grad was in 1985), but I really think a lot of North American popular culture sucks.
However, in Asia (where I teach now) the pressure on the students to be sucessful in education is quite high.
Hopefully, everywhere we will learn to find the happy medium of fun and education without burning a hole in our wallets and getting mentally burnt out!
Happy Canada Day!
Kevan Hudson
Suncheon, South Korea
Davey-boy
5 years ago
Kootowl got it right. Don't blame schools and teachers for the hyperinflation of grad excess. It's parents (and a few kids).
Actually, to be more precise, it's a handful of mommies and their daughters driving the whole thing.
At the school where I teach, a junior colleague of mine volunteered to sponsor the grad, and was totally blown away when a pack of moms spent three hours debating napkins and cutlery.
Fii
5 years ago
“It’s the kind of thing girls just sort of imagine since you’re really little. I mean, I did. It’s not as big as your wedding day but it’s close. And you imagine your prom is perfect and your dress is perfect and your date is perfect. It was still fun, just not as much fun as I thought it would be"... quotes a Vancouver grad.- Way too many "perfects" in that sentence... not all girls grow up dreaming about proms and dresses and weddings; Eek.
“I coached track, and girls stopped running sprints in grade 12 and started running distance instead so they would lose the muscles in their thighs,†says Jen Muir.- This is just BEYOND disturbing... and finally, maybe these kids spend so much money because they know the rest of their lives are going to be nothing but struggle and they'll never be able to afford such a big night out again (other than on credit)... haha.
Welcome to reality, grads...
Fii
5 years ago
Ah, Former BC Boy- nice try; I spent a year in Korea and 3 in Taiwan, and there is very little difference between the materialism mentioned in this article and what goes on among teens in Asia. (Some) girls in Asia are every bit as concerned with their looks, pretty dresses, and being thin as (some) girls here are. While reading this article I actually thought to myself "Wow, I thought it was different here than in Asia", and then I read your post. The educational pressure on kids in Asia is phenomenal,.. I tutor Korean teenagers who are in the BC public system, whose parents have up and left Korea simply because they refuse to raise their children in that atmosphere of intense competition and mediocre education. So, Annyonghaseyo and Happy Canada Day to you, too.
murdock
5 years ago
the staggering $$$ and supporting comments from the other parents here just makes me happier to continue my decision to home school my children.
all of this reminds me of a line from the Incredibles where a 5th grade ceremony was to be attended and Jack Parr responds,
"Its psychotic, they keep coming up with new ways to celebrate mediocrity."
considering that at the current 'commencement' ceremony no-one can even know if they have graduated, since the exams that count for 50% of the mark are still in processing - the 'scroll' might as well be a used bird cage newspaper.
Bramblerose
5 years ago
There has been discussion by Pete McMartin about this issue in the Vancouver Sun recently. I noticed his article was in the same edition as a story about the move to end extra fee charges by school districts (maybe grad is celebrated as the last time a parent has to write a cheque out to the school).
As a parent of a girl entering Grade 12 in September and a son entering secondary school, I am dreading all things grad. Apparently the really big deal is the 'after-grad' party, which is organized by parents and held between midnight and 6am after the formal grad event. The idea is to keep the kids busy so they're not out drinking at the beach (and it requires another outfit). But many of the kids then embark on a grad trip -- usually to Whistler or a campsite -- for a few days after the grad weekend.
This is escalated into an entire season of grad-related events (don't forget about the provincial exam schedule that is wedged between the parties). My daughter's school has the Chan Centre at UBC booked for the commencement ceremony! And a senior cruise scheduled for September! And official grad photos the week after Go-Card photos! Some of her friends are considering a State-side shopping trip for scout dresses!
This is absolutely insane. How can we put the brakes on this mindless materialism?
PrairiePrincess
5 years ago
I can understand the concern for the extravagance that has become of the simple celebration of graduation. Nevertheless, I am a little dismayed by the dismissive tone used to discuss the Cinderella Project. Grad can be a really big thing - especially from those kids who come from families where not everyone has graduated from highschool. These same families might not have the resources to spend on a grad - but who is better deserving of celebrating a milestone like this one?
In addition it is not such a bad thing to see expensive gowns that were worn once, maybe twice, passed on to be enjoyed again.
Funding for one thing (books, scholarships, education) does not preclude support of the other. And generosity should be acknowledged and celebrated, not belittled for being of the "wrong kind".
murdock
5 years ago
Bramblerose
"...a parent of a girl entering Grade 12 in September and a son entering secondary school, I am dreading all things grad."
Take your 'senior' child out from 'skool' for a week - during the normal skool year. During that week let them see a day or two of University, or Technical School (wherever they are thinking of going to further education - have the child direct thier own investigation of what the next stage is like..really like). During part of that week have the child volunteer somewhere like a rehab clinic (for drug addicts) or a womens' shelter, so that the price of failing to understand the choices of life is also recognized.
Finally during that week, let the grade 12 high-skool senior spend a whole day, 24 hours, away from home. Not in a hotel, not with any direct supervision, not with some friends. 24 hours to see some part of the city, or just walk around, including all night. Leave them with a cell-phone for safety sake, but include the idea that they are not to sleep for the whole 24 hours.
Just be out and actually experience a whole day without any adult interference.
A whole day without TV, movies, a book or any other distraction.
A whole day with just their own self to be with, to understand, to encounter whom they really are.
A day like that will be more useful than any other day in their 'senior' year - I guarantee it.
kootowl
5 years ago
Murdock
Excellent ideas for the week away! I'm not so sure that the 24 hour walkabout would be honoured by many of the 17 and 18 year olds I know, but it's a great idea in theory...a terrific challenge.
outdoortype
5 years ago
Some of the extravagance of grade 12 grad has crept into elementary schools. In June, "Grade 7 Farewell" often referred to as "Grade 7 Grad" can involve costly outfits, grad sweatshirts, dinners out, missing school for hair salon appointments, evening dances and ceremonies, rented cars etc. No, it's not the teachers promoting such things. Teachers tend to go for a fun whole group activity such as a field trip kayaking, or to the waterslides, or to Playland as well as a short daytime ceremony to mark the departure of the grade of students. The push to turn this event into a mini-grad comes from parents and it takes strong teachers and administrators to say no to all of the parent requests and demands.