I've been married to the same woman, indeed happily so, though not without "episodic moments, for better than 45 years. As, at this point in my life, such issues as proposals, engagements and weddings never enter into my reck and ken, I near carried on to another web page. Though they too are long married, perhaps it was the memory of four daughters that gave me pause to amusedly peruse on. Pleased I did actually. Here I am a long lived male, with a life long involvement with the preoccupations of maleness, likely meaning too often even a distant view of ones own family, and I never quite appreciated the attention to detail women put into their "coupleing". At least I, just kind of followed my dink into it, in a long agao time when that is what certainly males did. We only ever really worried about how we were going to pay for it. And we did have to pony up for the "paying", at least in cash, in those days. Other than that, we more or less just did what came naturally. And I've been pleased enough with that. :)

That is some story! I'm speechless ... I've heard the Green Day song on the radio, but had never given the lyrics much thought. Though a seemingly odd choice for your wedding song, it has all the makings of a recovery song: - you've learned your lesson - in the end it's right - I hope the SOB's (your ex-fiance and your slimy-realtor included here) had the time of their life - because you are so out of there and moving on! All the best to you! PS: the complete lyrics to the Green Day song follow. "Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)" Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go. So make the best of this test, and don't ask why. It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life. So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time. Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.

Things, times and people change. People also have a hard job being completely honest with themself and each other. As a long term married guy - from the old school, I echo some comments from above. Try to put experience behind you and grow and learn from it. Don't end up getting cynical and remember, you were a part of what happened too! Cheers.

It doesn't sound to me like you have really learned your lesson. Sleeping with strange men is a very dangerous game and certainly isn't the way to discover you were involved with the wrong man. That will only come from within. And Jerry, I'm not sure what you're trying to say?

Paul - did you even read the last section of the article? Nowhere did the author state that she simply jumped into bed with this two-week guy. Jumping to conclusions is dangerous. How do we know they weren't friends before they dated? We don't. Additionally, I got the impression that Brenda knew she had been with the wrong man before she dated anyone new. After all, it had been several months since the break up.

Apart from my response to the above poster, I just want to add my wholehearted support to the recommendation that new couples have written, witnessed, unambiguous financial agreements. It's unromantic. It may feel like you don't trust the other person. It may be hard to own up to that credit card debt. But it's worth it. Complete honesty with respect to your current situation and your expectations for the future (emotional stuff, too, like kids!) is the best foundation you can have for a successful relationship. If your intended partner can't manage this level of honesty and commitment at the beginning, there's something that needs to be dealt with immediately.

Paul complains, "And Jerry, I'm not sure what you're trying to say?" It strikes me as strange, that in these "liberated" times, post the pill and everything that has flowed therefrom, that there seems to be even more, and a more profound unhappiness around, in the relations between the sexes. (I sense that there's a whole bunch more fucking but less "loving" going on, for example.)I was there during the transition, and this is not the way it was going to be. It makes the "simpler" times in which "we" lived, married and coupled look whole bunches better to me. That said, the genie is not going to be put back into the bottle at this point. We will just have to see what evolves, and/or slides into extinction in the current state of angst, over time. And no doubt, to my perceptions, there's a major "culling" of types, personalities and attitudes going on out there right now, I think. (There's more, of course, but that's enough for now. Some of it can't even be talked of openly yet, certainly not by white hetero-sexual males. Which means it's going to have to happen first.)

Well it may be good riddance, but I'll bet you still don't feel that way - yet. Bit sna dpieces of remembrances are still all around, as are the "joint friends". It gets better, honest! I did the internet contact thing and met the love of my life three years ago. We were married last month. Use discretion and "chat" honestly and openly. You'll find your soulmate too! Good luck!

I think Brenda is courageous (and generous- spirited)to share her story publicly. I hope that when someone has a similar very hard experience of betrayal, they will find Brenda's article on the internet and find comfort in knowing they are not alone. Thank you, Brenda for finding the strength to share your story.

Cathy, I would have said something similar to what you wrote. Unlike (mean-spirited) Julie (or is she dating the ex as that sounds like a very personal attack on the author)I think it is easy to get caught up with the moment and not see the signs. Brenda when you do meet the love of your life you will be so thankful you didn't settle for less. Now you are able to recognize what less is. You might not be at the stage yet of feeling lucky but it could have been a lot more complicated. You say you now have a better idea of what you want in a romantic partner. I'd say you probably know yourself better too. You say you qualified on your own to buy your new home. Regardless of how the engagement turned out that sounds like a good financial move in today's market. Also good riddance to people who choose that timing to eliminate your job. Best wishes in your search for a more suitable partner. I bet other people would write their stories if they could write as well as you. Interesting, that from all the author wrote, Paul zeroed in on sex and Jerry.

Alexandra, unlike your dismissive opinion on my opposing viewpoint, I can agree with a lot you say, particularly the comment that it takes steely nerve to offer private information and then receive feedback from strangers. Nonetheless, I still stand by my point of view. I still think the author could have provided more insight than she did. No, I do not know the author or any of her social circle.

Awww :) The 'creativity' part was funny. An enjoyable read. Good luck in your continued rebound from the un-wedding and future!!! :)

Wow - you're super strong. I couldn't conceive of that happening to me. You should be really proud of yourself - getting through this all ... Amazing. I hope that one day I can face my problems as bravely ... and overcome them as well.

What an interesting array of responses! Some I certainly expected more than others. This was meant to be a story about facing a challenge and rebuilding one's life, not a self-help piece or even serious advice to others who might find themselves in the same situation. On that note, thank you Julie for providing a different take on the story and the lessons one might learn from it. It was good of you to clarify that you do not know me or anyone in my social circle because even I was starting to wonder if we'd ever spoken or had a mutual friend or acquaintance. I would, however, like to respond to one of Julie's pearls of wisdom: Be cautious about paying for a vacation when you should be looking for the telltale signs that you might be "re-orged". Julie, please don't assume that I missed any telltale signs that I might be "re-orged" as you put it, or that taking a vacation was a mistake. First of all, the signs that I might lose my job were as glaring as flashing amber lights. These included being singled out and told that the company would no longer pay for part of my lunch hour (companies can legally pay for all but one employee's breaks; however, if that person is a visible minority, it could be deemed a racist policy by a human rights tribunal), training other employees in the office on how to do the technical aspects of my job, and being handed a stack of papers to photocopy while a meeting that I normally would have actively participated in took place. Should I go on? Given my personal and financial situations, my work status was enormously stressful, but I also felt I had no control over it. Instead of allowing it to further diminish my self-esteem, I focused on looking forward to embarking on a vacation that I'd always dreamed of taking. And I'm grateful to my former employer for waiting until I returned from my vacation before informing me that my position had been eliminated. I had felt extremely deflated before my trip but managed to recharge myself while in Quebec, which allowed me to easily bounce back after learning I'd lost my job. While being cautious about spending when you may lose your job is a good idea, sometimes you just need to figure out what you really want and go for it. Finding happiness is important. My only other point to Julie is that you seemed to imply in your first posting that I am a drama queen. I don't think that planning a wedding, going through a virtual (and completely unexpected) divorce, canceling my wedding, selling my home, reluctantly buying a home with my ex, moving and losing my job -- all during the course of six months -- necessarily means that I'm "living for the drama." In fact, I'd be very happy if I could say my greatest disappointment last year was that Rupert was backstabbed and voted off of Survivor. Anyways, I've enjoyed taking in the reactions that my article has provoked.

pushing men into marriage is lame and shallow.

Such a lighthearted and enjoyable read! Only to be sidelined by a flurry and diverse array of comments, including the author's lenghty rebuttal to one reader's comments! Last night I caught "The Apprentice" reality show for the first time and earlier today I read John Doyle's column in the Globe & Mail on the same - then I stumble on this and was taken back to an interesting passage in Doyle's column: "Reading reader response was an education. If one reader wrote to say it was darn funny and another flattered me by saying that I was doing some of the sharpest journalism in the paper, someone else wrote to wrote express disgusted annoyance that I was complaining about my cozy job. Some people got their toques in a twist. The discrepancy only underlined the delights and challenges of this job -- certain TV shows and celebrities are hugely enjoyed by some people and loathed by others. Trying to figure it out is what the Irish call "the craic" -- the fun, the sizzle and the good times." I am glad to see that the author is enjoying "the delights and challenges of the job" - and want to thank her for filling in many of the gaps from her original piece!

Get a life,all you are trying to do is have people feel sorry for you.how could you have not seen the warning signs.Where you that desperate.Are you over the fellow like you say?I doubt it,to publicly throw stones at him,only makes you look look bad.you are still hung up on him.You are fooling no one dear.Poor, poor, poor you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pushing men into marriage? Gee, I thought you guys had a voice and could say "no." Oops, I guess men are too weak to protect themselves from women's wiles.

"Pushing men into marriage"?? hmm... Most men can't be "pushed" into marriage- and why, when marriage has traditionally been more beneficial for men than women, would a man need to be pushed? But you know, it's funny, last time I was at Chapters bookstore I wondered why, under the magazine rack heading "women's interests" there were bridal/marriage magazines...wooosh- time warp! I glanced to "men's interests" and lo and behold- none! But I stood there pondering, "well, I'm a woman, and it certainly is not my interest...what is going on here? How odd..." So, I really don't blame you for thinking the way you do, Joe...but trust me, a lot of women I know just aren't interested...to quote a friend: "We aren't getting married cause I don't want to waste the money on a wedding" (they own a house together)...haha...touche, sister!

I know the author and for some reason, bad luck seems to get her everytime. I used to think that certain people had the misfortune of always coming across bad luck in their lives. Until the day a friend told me that people have to make and believe in good luck to in order to have it happen. Brenda, I don't know where you are now, but I hope that you're on a more positive path. Stop meeting losers, believe in yourself, and learn to appreciate and enjoy your independent life.

i thought the piece was entertaining and funny. and it had touches of sadness, loss and being generally pathetic. it was so good in fact that i retold the jist of the story to a my girlfriend who said. "wow, i bet she's glad she bought the house while she still had the job,". a thoroughly glass half full way of looking at it.