Hanging with the Idol Hopefuls

TheTyee.ca

She was very meek girl from a small town on Vancouver Island and was afflicted with Tourette's Syndrome. While she didn't spew profanities, she did have mild ticks and made some unusual noises in her throat, which got worse the more nervous she became.

It was my job all day Monday to help the girl, along with a thousand other Canadian Idol wannabes, get through their auditions without losing their cool, self-esteem, or all sense of proportion about what it takes to make it as a star in this world.

To be specific, my title was Canadian Idol production assistant holding the position of a level one runner.

That meant that I took groups of five competitors over to their initial audition, where they would learn whether they would receive ironic pink slips and advance to one-on-one auditions with Canadian Idol producers, or be sent home. From that second audition, if they received a green sheet, they were to advance to the "celebrity round" where they would perform in front of cameras at the Hyatt Regency later in the week before a team of celebrity judges, Farley Flex, Jake Gold, Sass Jordan and Zack Werner.

Most of the youths auditioning hadn't heard of the judges, except for Sass Jordan, but weren't familiar with her music.

Idol pastimes

Having never watched either Canadian or American Idol, I wasn't really sure what to expect. Only people between the ages of 16 and 26 were eligible to compete, so I had to evict two 15 year olds, but not before I loaded them up with "I survived Canadian Idol" souvenir badges for friends and family, since they had camped out in line all night.

While people waited for their auditions, held at the Plaza of Nations, I met a lot of young girls whose moms didn't leave their sides and were fully focused on helping their daughters to reach "stardom." These moms were at the ready with a fresh outfit and makeup kit for touch ups to give the girls a refreshed look of perfect skin and eager, glossy lips. Other people came in packs of friends, sleeping outside together and pairing off to go to the nearby Starbucks to pep up on caffeine and change into their little performance outfits. A 19-year-old girl from New Westminster dressed up in a giant red maple leaf costume that some people mistook for a devil costume. She received a pink slip after singing the Arrogant Worms' singles "We Are the Beaver" and "Canada Is Really Big."

There were plenty of divas on hand, including one 20-something dressed in leopard-print with matching bags, blanket and accessories. I overheard a PA tell her to tone things down as she tried to "pump up" the group and almost led them to charging unannounced into an audition room before their turn.

There were also plenty of "bar stars," some of whom could sing well, but others were simply pretty and well-primped, clad in sexy, tight baby T's and jeans or a short skirt, hoping they had the right look to be the next Canadian Idol. The bar stars were often seen flirting with the pretty Justin Timberlake knockoffs.

Serious competition

There were also many serious singers in the crowd. Some regularly compete for things like Vancouver Idol or in karaoke competitions. Others have years of private voice lessons behind them or sang with community or church choirs. The serious musicians generally passed time by practising scales and their songs, had thought about technique and carefully chose songs that would demonstrate their vocal range. They were usually the most serious, and nervous.

I was particularly impressed with the courage shown by the girl with Tourette's Syndrome, for example. Two prayer groups back home in Comox were rooting for her and she was hopeful that she had a shot, since apparently her symptoms disappear when she sings. Despite her disability, which she says hindered her last year because she didn't tell the judges what was wrong when they asked, she was back for a second time. Alas, I don't know how she fared.

This girl was one of many competitors who could be seen praying and religiously crossing themselves while waiting for their audition. It wasn't unusual to hear people say that they'd prayed all night for this and that they have friends and family praying for them, adding that "if God wants them to win, they will."

In one of my groups, panic set in when two of the girls realized that they were both planning to sing "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. It was a commonly chosen song, as were classic choir songs like "Lean On Me" and "Amazing Grace," and pop songs like Norah Jones' "Feels Like Home" and Sarah McLachlan's "Angel." The guys typically sang boy band songs like N'Sync's "It's Gonna Be Me" or oldies like Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely."

Quick route to fame?

With only 32 people from all across Canada making it to the Canadian Idol finals in Toronto, my job was to make things fun for competitors - many of whom had invested in plane tickets from places as far away as Quick, B.C. (near Smithers), where apparently cows outnumber people.

While walking over to the auditions, I would remind my group that this is only one avenue to becoming a professional singer, and that if they're driven enough, they can make it in the music business. This was usually followed with me saying, "I bet that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback would never make it on Canadian Idol, and look how successful he is. Gord Downie from the Tragically Hip wouldn't either. I bet lots of people who don't make it here will start their own bands and be very successful."

My second tactic, with really nervous groups, was to share a self-deprecating story about how when I first worked as a reporter in Courtenay, the publisher of the newspaper I was at approached me about going on a local televised production of The Dating Game. I was quite shy and didn't want to, but I managed to swallow my nerves when I got up on stage in a packed theatre and had fun with it. To my surprise, I won. The moral of the story is to be yourself and have fun. (When pressed, I admitted that I won a date with a clerk who worked at the local Mac's convenience store.)

Although I heard that the first round of judges were very nice, that didn't stop girls from leaving the building in tears after having their dreams of near-instant stardom crushed. As one bawling rejectee left the elevator, I overheard her cry to a fellow competitor that she was, "going back to the shitty little town" she came from and "wouldn't be famous now."

Another girl said that since she hadn't won, she'd have to be a secretary for the rest of her life in her B.C. hamlet.

In discussing this experience with my middle-aged accountant, who has never watched the show but is a big fan of independent bands, he cringed when I told him about these responses. He felt that these youths were trying to jump the queue to stardom, by not having to work hard and be extremely driven to get there. He thought it appeared as though they were looking for "easy street" and responded that these two girls "should go to school or go to open-mic nights at local clubs, and work hard to make something of themselves."

However, when you see the brass ring dangled within reach, it's hard not to make even a klutzy grab for it.

Brenda Jones has never watched either Canadian or American Idol, but might tune in this summer to see if she recognizes any of the competitors from Vancouver.