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I'm Voting…for Nobody

The Tyee asks who you are voting for, and why. This reader says he's being driven insane by unappealing candidates.

Darryl Greer 15 Jun 2004TheTyee.ca
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I know this is supposed to be a piece about who I am voting for and why, but I still can't decide. Who is my favourite Stooge: Larry, Moe or Curly?
 
I can't say I have a favourite, but Paul "Moe" Martin is definitely a front-runner. This is because he is the only one out of the comedy trio involved in the squandering of a-quarter-of-a-billion dollars from taxpayers while finance minister, and then trying to get away with it during his unelected term as prime minister.
 
Harper? Reality check
 
In a close second comes Stephen "Curly" Harper who is pro-war in Iraq, pro-Bush, anti-gay, and anti-poor. Although many Conservatives argue that he is not pro-war, it is hard to believe after he criticized the Chrétien government for not supporting our long-time allies, Britain and the U.S., who waded into the Iraq war together.
 
What Harper and many others failed to recognize is that the war in Iraq was and is based on complete and utter deception. The American government knew that UN weapons inspectors oversaw the destruction and removal of all chemical, biological, and nuclear weapons between 1991 and 1998, but they went anyway, with Harper sitting on the sidelines like a cheerleader minus the red, white, and blue pom-poms.
 
Harper also seems to think that even in the year 2004 the government must prevent two people who possess the same genitals from getting married. Conservative Curly needs a reality check, or maybe someone needs to eye-gouge him or smack him up side the head  because maybe that would knock some sense into him. We as voters should all know that the next government is going to have a lot of bigger fish to fry other than same-sex marriage.
 
Layton's holiday plans
 
And let's not forget Jack "Larry" Layton who wants to raise corporate taxes, create two new holidays, and introduce a tax that you pay from beyond the grave. Any reasonable person can see the absurdity of his platform. It's pretty self-explanatory.
 
So let's recap the choices: a Liberal con artist, a Conservative caught-in-an-anti-gay-time-warp crackpot, and a not-so-New-Democrat dreamer.
 
On June 28 we all have a choice to make, but if you ask me there's not much of a choice, and it's not funny.
 
I've decided that on Election Day if I haven't chosen a candidate, I'll go to the ballot box, drop to the floor and run around in circles while uttering incoherent banter. The people at the polling station will have me committed, and I'm confident that I'll be let out of the mental institution when the new government cuts off its funding and it's closed down.
 
My first election!
 
Federal Election time in Canada is enough to make me go insane, and this is only my first one. In any case, no matter whom I vote for it won't really count anyways right? So maybe the best thing for me to do is not vote at all because frankly I can't decide which Stooge to vote against.
 
 
Tyee reader Darryl Greer, 20 years old, lives in North Vancouver. [Tyee]

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