The Political Pearls of Kevin O’Leary

The world really could use another rich reality TV celeb as chief of state, so Kevin O’Leary is stepping up. Today the Shark Tank star officially sets his sights on becoming Canada’s prime minister once he has led the Conservatives back to majority rule in 2019. Should that day come, expect these guiding principles for an O’Leary government, given what the relentlessly self-promoting if not all he’s cracked up to be investor has stated publicly already.

FAMILY VALUES

Dump your fiancé, chase wealth and lots of girlfriends. That’s what O’Leary advised when asked if being a “prosperous entrepreneur” makes it difficult to be attentive in a relationship and do a fair share of parenting. According to Press Progress, O’Leary answered by telling a story about a business student whose fiancé told him:

“I can’t stay with you anymore, you have no time for me, you’re all consumed — school all day, business all night.”

“If you don’t start spending time with me,” the fiancé said, “it’s over between us.”

“What do I do Kevin?” the student asked.

O’Leary: “Which one is easier to replace: the business or your girlfriend? ... The answer is this, he is very happy, he has many girlfriends because he’s very wealthy now.”

NATIONAL PRIORITIES

Have you grave concerns? O’Leary’s is raising taxes on the rich. After Justin Trudeau’s Liberals won the 2015 election promising to raise the tax rate to 33 per cent on those making over $200,000, O’Leary was wracked by “grave concerns.” He fretted those who’d made a killing here in Canada might now betray their roots and move somewhere else just to avoid a tax hike. Kind of makes sense when you understand where O’Leary calls “home” (see next item).

CANADIAN PRIDE

Forget Canada Day. Fourth of July is “magical.” O’Leary spent last July fourth in Nantucket, Massachusetts, from whence he Instagrammed various fawning photos of American flags and the sentiment: “There is something magical about this weekend. Happy 4th everybody!” Anything from O’Leary about Canada Day? Nope. Not on his Twitter or Facebook accounts either. But of course, as the now would-be leader of Canada said in 2014, “I spend most of my time in Boston.” Has for about 20 years now. “Boston is my home.”

He also told TMZ he wants to own part of a National Football League team in Toronto (tough luck, CFL) because it’s a big market and “I don’t think of North America anymore as Canada, the United States and Mexico.”

THE RED MENACE

What ails Alberta? Too many nomadic socialists. That was O’Leary’s analysis of why Albertans elected Rachel Notley’s NDP government in 2015. Not because the right was split after a few too many scandals. Nor because Alberta (once a “shining light of capitalism” by O’Leary’s description) for decades allowed too much oil wealth to be sucked out of the province for too little in return, leaving the budget chronically in the red.

No, the problem was a different shade of red — “a lot of socialists” who moved to Alberta “because they couldn’t get work in their socialist provinces,” but “still vote that way.” Like another reality TV tycoon turned politician, O’Leary does not allow himself to be hampered by facts. Did you know that Notley’s NDP were talking about “throwing all the entrepreneurs out of the province”? You didn’t? That’s because it’s not remotely true. But O’Leary offered his own plan to make life miserable for Albertan entrepreneurs. Don’t invest in Alberta, he instructed global financiers, until a government he likes is in charge.

THE COMMON GOOD

It’s “fantastic” that the world’s 85 richest people own as much as the world’s 3.5 billion poorest. O’Leary, who said that in 2014 in response to Oxfam’s report on global inequality, must be thrilled with Oxfam’s update released this week, which found the world’s richest eight people have the same wealth as the world’s bottom half.

Back in 2014, O’Leary applauded as “fantastic news” the vast and growing gap between millions of people earning $2.50 a day and the one per cent who’ve cornered more wealth than they could ever imagine spending. “This is a great thing because it inspires everybody, and gets them the motivation to look up to the 1 per cent and say, I want to become one of those people. I’m going to fight hard and get up to the top,” explained future PM O’Leary.

Last year O’Leary provided the world’s slum-mired slackers some inspiration when he celebrated a friend’s birthday by swilling $1,000 bottles of champagne delivered by servers dressed as Superman and Supergirl.

GOVERNANCE AND FINANCES

Come to think of it, taxes might be ok, as long as no one makes you pay them. That’s what O’Leary said (we think) in his weird, tweeted effort to add more context to his soul-bereft celebration of “fantastic news” above. Here’s the O’Leary one-two punch:

Let me be clear, I will always celebrate success but never at the expense of the less fortunate, I want them to be successful too!

— Kevin O'Leary (@kevinolearytv) January 22, 2014

And then:

I want to debate of distribution of wealth through forced taxation. You know where I stand on that! #VeryImportantDebate @LangandOLeary

— Kevin O'Leary (@kevinolearytv) January 22, 2014

So… our next prime minister might do away with “forced taxation”? Maybe Canada will finance its $300-billion annual treasury through voluntary tithing instead?

WORKER RIGHTS

Join a union, go to jail. “Elect me as prime minister for 15 minutes,” Mr. O’Leary has declared. “I will make unions illegal. Anybody who remains a union member will be thrown in jail.” Why? Because unions are evil. How evil? “Unions are sheer evil….Unions themselves are born out of evil. They must be destroyed with evil.” Plus, “no one could contain unions in hell. They were so evil they came out of hell and they came upon earth.”