Life

Greetings, Friends!

(With a bow to Roger Angell of The New Yorker.)

By Crawford Kilian 24 Dec 2012 | TheTyee.ca

Crawford Kilian is a contributing editor of The Tyee. Apologies to friends of The Tyee whose names he will have not wedged into these stanzas. He fears the worst / It's a risk writing celebratory verse!

It's come again, the Christmas season
When shoppers swarm in search of pleasin'
Presents for their kith and kin
And, panting, stagger out and in
To boutiques, malls, and bigbox stores,
To craft fairs, breaking down the doors
For bargains saying "I love you --
What's more, this gadget's new, woohoo!"
For some the gifting gets so drastic
They're driven to max out their plastic.
But let's confess: The Tyee's credit
Can't afford it (there, we've said it).
So here, instead, our thanks to all
Whose talents keep us in their thrall.

Merry Christmas, Christy Clark!
Happy New Year, Ji Won Park!
Hail to our elder, bluff Rafe Mair
And find Bill Tieleman a chair.
John Cummins, kindly pause from fishin'
And make room for Cohen's Commission.
Kinder Morgan, looking slicky!
Go get a drink from Geoff Dembicki.
Alex Morton! Hey, how are ya?
Get your drink from Geoff D'Auria!
Noise on the rooftop? Sakes alive!
It's Peter MacKay in an F-35!
Andrew Weaver, Michael Byers,
Come in and fan our Yuletide fires!
Andrew Lam, you play much hockey?
Share your thoughts with good Luke Brocki.
Adrian Dix, come sit right here
And have a cup of Christmas cheer.
Round the tree the children go,
Glad to see Justin Trudeau.
A haircut sharp and suit that's sharper --
Here's our Right Honourable Stephen Harper.
Steve Burgess is a funny fella --
Welcome, too, Jude Isabella.
Susan Lambert! Andrew Lam!
Robyn Smith! Let's carve the ham!
And still more guests arrive -- check, check --
Murray Dobbin, David Schreck!
Yet more are here--we're very proud
Of Tom Sandborn, Andrew MacLeod,
Katie Hyslop, Colleen Kimmet--
To your talents, there's no limit.
Deck City Hall with boughs of holly,
Mayor Gregor, you look jolly!
'Tis the season when we share
Cooked Tory goose with Tom Mulcair.
Brian Calvert and Chris Cannon,
Come here and meet the charming Shannon
Rupp, and may I say that you couldn't
Go wrong chatting with our Dorothy Woodend.
Patti Bacchus, VSB's chair,
Cast aside your every care!
Is this a hopeless traffic jam?
Make room for Fiona Tinwei Lam!
Elizabeth May, the everGreen,
Is right there by the punch tureen.
Let's hurry over to say hi
To architect supreme, Joe Wai.
Pine beetles? Tar sands? Never fear,
Our Andrew Nikiforuk's here.
Mitch Anderson is home from Norway --
Mitch, you always do things your way.
Meaghan MacDonald, Julie Jenkins, thou art
Invaluable teammates, as is Shannon Smart.
Michelle Hoar, Ashley Massman, Fen Hsiao,
Without your skills we'd be nowhere now.
Online, Tyee's the one with feist,
Thanks largely to our Michael Geist.
Now we're assembled. Please give three cheers
For our kind host, good David Beers!
And to all our good readers raise a toast
So brilliant you are, you deserve to boast.

May next year's news bring lively tidings
To hopefuls in their B.C. ridings,
And citizens in massive turnout
Show no hint of voters' burnout.
Be sure we shall report the scene
Through each week of Two-Oh-Thirteen.

Dear readers and commenters, you may notice that comments are not enabled for this story. In what has become a Tyee holiday tradition, we're closing the commenting system for the holidays to allow our hardworking team a brief respite and chance to recharge. Thanks for all the insightful, informative comments in 2012. We look forward with happy anticipation to more of the same in 2013.  [Tyee]

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