The article you just read was brought to you by a few thousand dedicated readers. Will you join them?

Thanks for coming by The Tyee and reading one of many original articles we’ll post today. Our team works hard to publish in-depth stories on topics that matter on a daily basis. Our motto is: No junk. Just good journalism.

Just as we care about the quality of our reporting, we care about making our stories accessible to all who want to read them and provide a pleasant reading experience. No intrusive ads to distract you. No paywall locking you out of an article you want to read. No clickbait to trick you into reading a sensational article.

There’s a reason why our site is unique and why we don’t have to rely on those tactics — our Tyee Builders program. Tyee Builders are readers who chip in a bit of money each month (or one-time) to our editorial budget. This amazing program allows us to pay our writers fairly, keep our focus on quality over quantity of articles, and provide a pleasant reading experience for those who visit our site.

In the past year, we’ve been able to double our staff team and boost our reporting. We invest all of the revenue we receive into producing more and better journalism. We want to keep growing, but we need your support to do it.

Fewer than 1 in 100 of our average monthly readers are signed up to Tyee Builders. If we reach 1% of our readers signing up to be Tyee Builders, we could continue to grow and do even more.

If you appreciate what The Tyee publishes and want to help us do more, please sign up to be a Tyee Builder today. You pick the amount, and you can cancel any time.

Support our growing independent newsroom and join Tyee Builders today.
Before you click away, we have something to ask you…

Do you value independent journalism that focuses on the issues that matter? Do you think Canada needs more in-depth, fact-based reporting? So do we. If you’d like to be part of the solution, we’d love it if you joined us in working on it.

The Tyee is an independent, paywall-free, reader-funded publication. While many other newsrooms are getting smaller or shutting down altogether, we’re bucking the trend and growing, while still keeping our articles free and open for everyone to read.

The reason why we’re able to grow and do more, and focus on quality reporting, is because our readers support us in doing that. Over 5,000 Tyee readers chip in to fund our newsroom on a monthly basis, and that supports our rockstar team of dedicated journalists.

Join a community of people who are helping to build a better journalism ecosystem. You pick the amount you’d like to contribute on a monthly basis, and you can cancel any time.

Help us make Canadian media better by joining Tyee Builders today.
We value: Our readers.
Our independence. Our region.
The power of real journalism.
We're reader supported.
Get our newsletter free.
Help pay for our reporting.

Positions Available at White House

Some job opportunities in the US you may have missed.

By Chris Cannon 30 Oct 2009 |

Chris Cannon is a Vancouver writer.

image atom
If he can't look worried, why not outsource it?

"Job losses are expected to continue at least into the middle of next year, likely driving the unemployment rate above 10 per cent from 9.8 per cent last month. It could take three or four more years for it to fall to normal levels." -- the New York Times, Oct. 12, 2009

From: Rahm Emanuel, Chief of Staff, Executive Office of the President

To: White House staff

In keeping with the President's goal of slowing the rise in unemployment, I would like to announce the creation of several new positions in this administration, to be filled immediately.

Obama Likeness Cataloger

The President's enormous popularity has generated a nation-wide market of Barack Obama memorabilia -- the vast majority of it unlicensed -- and White House Counsel has advised us to be aware of how the President's image is being used. This Likeness Cataloger will be responsible for inventorying the items in question, including t-shirts, hats, jackets, jewelry, calendars, dishware, key chains, snow globes, soft drinks, condoms, strains of marijuana, hats for pets, pornographic devices, and chia and chia-related paraphernalia. This position will require some travel.

Brow Furrower

It has come to our attention that the President is physically incapable of looking angry or upset, and this has affected his credibility whenever he claims to be angry or upset. This job will involve standing behind the President during press conferences and tugging on his neck skin to simulate a furrowed brow, as cued by the press secretary. Applicants will need to demonstrate upper body strength, silky hands, and good circulation.

Assistant Brow Furrower

See above.

Liaison to Dennis Haysbert

The White House media office has exceeded its capacity to redirect messages for Dennis Haysbert, the actor who portrayed the U.S. President in the television series 24. The new liaison will assume these duties, including but not limited to: forwarding autograph requests, returning spec scripts for The Unit, and correcting assumptions that Haysbert and President Obama are the same person.

Blue-Collar Data Translator

The current economic crisis involves numbers so high that they are often difficult for the average citizen to grasp. This position will help Americans better understand these figures by representing them in familiar terms, such as football fields, stacks of hamburgers, and things that can be laid end-to-end. For instance, instead of saying the government is investing $7.7 trillion to prop up the struggling financial sector, we might refer to it as a stack of pennies that would stretch to the moon, or an amount that would buy enough hamburgers to cover ten thousand football fields laid end to end.

Portmanteau Smuggler

The purpose of this assignment is to generate and leak catchy puns and portmanteaus to the media to manipulate public opinion. Previous examples include "Obamania," in reference to the President's spirited election base, and "Obamanomics," which has been used to describe this administration's economic policies. New terms might include: "George Bushwhacked," to deflect blame for the current economic crisis; "Don't throw Obama from the Train," should the situation generate public disorder; and in the event nuclear talks fail and the Russians create their own Star Wars Missile Defense System, "the Empire Strikes Barack."

American Dream Resuscitator

This position has been cancelled.  [Tyee]

Share this article

The Tyee is supported by readers like you

Join us and grow independent media in Canada

Facts matter. Get The Tyee's in-depth journalism delivered to your inbox for free


The Barometer

Tyee Poll: What Coverage Would You Like to See More of This Year?

Take this week's poll