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Let's Get Our Own King and Queen
Peter and Autumn will do just fine.
Canada's new royals? Autumn Kelly, Peter Phillips.
My heart skipped a beat ... maybe more than one as I read the story.
"Peter Phillips, the Queen's eldest grandchild, became the first royal of his generation to marry yesterday.
"In the presence of 300 guests including the woman he calls 'Granny,' the Prince of Wales, the Duchess of Cornwall, Prince Harry and his girlfriend Chelsy Davy, the 30-year-old son of the Princess Royal exchanged vows with Autumn Kelly, his Canadian fiancée."
I haven't been so excited since Elizabeth Taylor married Eddie Fisher!
Then it dawned on me. Peter doesn't have a title so Autumn will just be Mrs. Phillips and maybe even, though perish the thought, plain Ms. Phillips. Or Ms. Kelly-Phillips. Or in the McTeer tradition, Ms. Kelly.
This is not fair and it had me running to the 1931 Statute of Westminster, whereby we became a self-governing dominion. But alas, I found no loopholes. There is nothing legal we can do about this. Max Aitken, a rich Canadian press baron of rather dicey private habits, became Baron Beaverbrook and our best known and much beloved felon Conrad Black became Baron Crosseyes, or Crossbow, or something like that. But Autumn stays Autumn.
A national cause is born
This just isn't fair! Especially since Peter's Grandmum offered to give him and sister Zara titles but Mummy, the Princess Royal, wouldn't hear of it
Take Camilla, the late Parker-Bowles, who became the Duchess of Cornwall. She couldn't even pass the virginity test administered to Diana. (I applied for the job of virgin testing but realized I was getting a bit long in the tooth for it.) Nevertheless, Camilla not only became a Duchess but a Royal Duchess at that. Those who take these matters seriously, which I'm sure most of you do, will remember that when Wallis Simpson married the Royal Duke of Windsor, until shortly before King Edward VIII, she was not made into Her Royal Highness because of the spite (understandable) of the new Queen Elizabeth, later the Queen Mum. This rankled poor David (Edward when he was King) for the rest of his life. Bad enough that Wallis was only a plain Duchess but she was stuck with David, the world's best known premature ejaculator, forever after.
I've thought a lot about this and other royal minutiae for a long time. The Scots, that is the Highlanders with the exception of Clan Campbell (who supported the despised Hanoverians), bitterly resent Elizabeth being styled II when she is only Elizabeth I of Scotland. The Black Campbells, as all we descendants of Somerled, first Lord of the Isles know, murdered the Macdonalds in their sleep at Glencoe in 1692, which, far from being erased in our memories, increases, and is fortified every time we see and read the latest pronouncements from the Great Dictator in Victoria. But I digress.
Out with old, in with new
Here's what we do. We tell the present Queen that the retirement time for Canadian monarchs is 80 and that she'll just have to go. We'll be nice about it -- a coat of recently slaughtered seal pups will keep her lovely memories of Canada alive and for Philip yet another Stetson hat, this one autographed by Ralph Klein.
Then we ask Peter and Autumn to become King and Queen of all the Canadas including La (or is it Le? and why does it matter?) Nation de Quebec. Of course, there will be a training period of a couple of years as a CBC presenter.
Many of us of a certain age yearn for the days when instead of party hacks, pretty women and inspired political choices as governors-general, we had chinless British aristocrats. I well remember as a young army cadet in World War II being reviewed by the Earl of Athlone (actually Sir Alexander Augustus Frederick William Alfred George Cambridge, Prince Alexander of Teck in real life) and he was perfect. How thrilled I was when he mumbled something to me without having to move his lips. He was married to a granddaughter of Queen Victoria and is, for true monarchists and the scattered remains of the Imperial Order of the Daughters of the Empire, the last real, honest to goodness viceroy of this, our beloved Canada, a country that fights to its last breath to maintain the last vestiges of colonialism.
Handsome, not too smart
Admittedly Peter is not old and he is not chinless -- but by God he's British, descended as all royals are from the best of impoverished German aristocrats. He has his father's looks (the saints be praised) his mother's athletic ability (if riding horses is athletic for the rider too) and his grandfather Philip's intellect, having studied "Sports Science" (how long is a football field? and such like) at the University of Exeter.
Actually as I work my way through this mindless minefield I've entered, it occurs to me that having our own King and Queen, with the Queen a Quebec Anglophone, is a capital idea.
Countries need a head of state and electing them is a bad idea because then they think they have a real mandate.
Appointing people reminds one of Louis XIV who said "Every time I create an appointment, I create a hundred malcontents and one ingrate."
So let's just accept the gift that has fallen into our collective laps. All hail King Peter and Queen Autumn, the new Canadian royals!
Of course it's a bit late for the prescribed virginity test but fertility must be a condition precedent so that once they get rolling on the job, so to speak, they will ensure peaceful passage of authority to the next generation of suitably bred leaders of our great realm.
Surely this is an idea whose time has come.
Related Tyee stories:
- YouTube's New Royalty
It used to be the voice of the people. Not anymore? - Diana's Revenge
Reviewed: The Diana Chronicles - Royal Pains
'The Queen' and all her kooky clan, even the corgis.
![[Tyee]](http://thetyee.cachefly.net/ui/img/ico_fishie.png){kind=small}
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- Hundreds at Vancouver rally to support Quebec students
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- Rick Hansen's Man in Motion anniversary tour concludes in Vancouver
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- ...while on the streets, pirates and ninjas put aside mutual animosity to join student protests
19
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BC Mary
4 years ago
Was it something you ate, giving you nightmares?
Rafe,
I ain't touchin' this topic with a 10-foot pike pole.
What's got into you? [Rhetorical question, I hasten to point out.]
no1important
4 years ago
It is time for Canada to
It is time for Canada to abolish the monarchy and any form of it plain and simple.
demotto
4 years ago
Canada
Canada has not been under the monarchy since Queen Victoria died as succession rights were repealed by the British Parliament.
southdeltawalker
4 years ago
yuk......
....a new low for Rafe and the Tyee editor.
i guess this is funny to old white guys.
dorothy
4 years ago
eh?
"...It is time for Canada to abolish the monarchy and any form of it plain and simple."
And then what? Do we work our way through reps for the 'whole bloody United Nations', or go the lottery way, or think up some elaborate alternating twisty pattern, fractals or some such thing, to figure the head piece every time?
Why not follow Rafe's advice, and not reinvent the wheel? Give me ONE good reason! Not the 'undemocratic' nonsense. The manner and number of people who assume the right to push the rest of us around has nada to do with democracy, and we put up with it. These people will be benign in comparison to Monsanto's board of directors or some other such assembly of heavyweights, which are now legion. They are likely also better looking and more fun. There we go. I'll await convincing, and it won't be easy...
Skookum1
4 years ago
Anti-monarchists aside....
Sigh; the usual knee-jerk responses against hereditary heads of state...somebody read Plato sometime, about his opinion of democracy and the advantages of one-man rule and the foibles of what I just came across in Scholefield & Howay's British Columbia: From the Earliest Times to the present - "that unreasoning mass known as the public" (they were talking about the American public re the hysteria to annex/migrate to the Oregon Country).
This is bluntly just wrong:
I'm sure that's news to Queen Betty, and to various constitutional lawyers. And would have been knews to the royalists who signed up en masse in BC and elsewhere in the name of the King....
But back to Rafe's gushy article on, aw shucks, we've got real royal celebs now. I take it a bit more seriously, and have on various occasions and drunken conversations proposed the creation of a native monarchy. Electing L-G's and G-G's ain't gonna work, especially once they have some kind of power. And a civically-educated (admittedly Sport Science doesn't quite cut it) figurehead who has the few powers remaining to the Crown, who's not beholden to any interest group....has a strange allure.
Queen Autumn and Prince Consort Philip for starters, then train the kids and bring 'em up right.....(and don't let the Tories and Grits anywhere near them...)....what "right" is should provide endless politicking, but never mind that....
And think of the bucks for the tourism trade. A few fancy palaces we've already got - Government Houes in Victoria makes an obvious Winter Palace, unless they're winter-sports hungry and want the penthouse at the Banff Springs. Hell, off the paparazzi expense budget alone we could fund Prince Edward Island, add in tourist-trade visits and it's a whole new industry.
My own sentiment, though, was for a Royal Principality of BC as a way to get out of Confederation; she's from Quebec, so that won't work; Andrew or Edward would have done just fine, though.....
I'm only half-joking. Surprised, my friends? That I would think the monarchy has meaning. Maybe I've just studied too much history to be so cynical about monarchs, and even more reason to be cynical about democracies....
samwagar
4 years ago
"Many a true thing was said in jest"
An excellent idea, Mr. Mair! Canada needs to continue to be a monarchy - this creeping republicanism with its politicization of our central institutions has to stop to preserve our liberties. And the imperial cnnection no longer works as well for us. Our own home-grown (and grafted) legitimate monarchy is a brilliant suggestion.
Best,
Sam Wagar
lynn
4 years ago
Needs Some Major Re-Invention
Well, that made me chuckle, Rafe... basically because it's so true. That's in fact how things really are despite all the democratic pretence - the daily charade we are forced to endure. Certainly the royal court arrogantly squatting in Victoria right now thinks they have a real mandate... and a real royal annointing that gives them the right to do whatever they want in any way they want.
And "our rights" as citizens and as human beings? Just the flimsy stuff of dreams. Our rights, according to their royal and wily.... and re-written constitution, are scribbled down and portrayed as "major irritations" - as "obstacles" to be overcome...and as soon as possible, pretty please.....now bow and curtsy....or off with your heads.
Democracy at present provides a perfect front for despots to hide behind and to do all the stuff despots love to do. Under the pretence of elections it has become the refuge of "elected" kings, "major ass-hole" kings....(quoting the greatest of these himself). ...so I'm with Rafe, and Dorothy and Skookum1 on this, especially when Dorothy writes that we should "re-invent the wheel".
It's gotta be better than what we've got....worth a try.... "at least for awhile" says the irrepressible cynic in me.
G West
4 years ago
Apparently, just now, Queen Lizzie II
Apparently, just now, Queen Lizzie II would probably be just as glad to see 'em off to the colonies anyway.
How about someone from the Hawaiian Royal Family?
I think we've had more than enuff of the damn Brits for ten lifetimes more.
If we're going that route please god don't let it be the windsors.
'tip of the hat to Skookum Illahee.
G West
murdock
4 years ago
iths 'thuck
Rafe,
You actually managed to say all of that with your tongue in your cheek?
wow.
lynn
4 years ago
Dorothy
Dorothy, sorry, when I quoted you the quote should have read: "and not re-invent the wheel".
Still, I understand your argument though at present I see a great need for an imaginative and powerful re-invention/assertion of our human rights....but still, yes, I agree, there are many roads that can lead to that same place.
I'd just add that whether toyed with in jest or explored in reality, as we reel from one kind of so-called political salvation or "ism" to the next, the elephant in the room is really just each of us alone as human beings.... and the lies we willingly tell to ourselves.....and the part that plays in determining how the world spins or wobbles. Evolution is an inside job.
City Person
4 years ago
Lawyer Field Day
Wow, Rafe, the nice weather must be doing something to the content of your pieces. This one is a non-issue. Imagine if we changed our form of government: every single law of the nation would have to be reviewed and re-written.
Then there are the treaties between the Crown and the First Nations: The would all be voided. We haven't exactly proven ourselves as a society terribly good at such things and renegotiation of every treaty would, ahem, be another lawyer field day.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
demotto
4 years ago
Skookum1
Sect 2(BNA Act),repealed by Statute Law Revision Act,1893, read as follows
2.The Provisions of this Act referring to Her Majesty the Queen extend also to the Heirs and Successors of Her Majesty,Kings and Queens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.
That reads to me that the successions rights were repealed. Seems we have had a fraudulent government since Queen Victoria died.
VancouverPointGreen
4 years ago
Time to become a republic
With all due respects to Her Majesty and the Governor General and all their symbolic cultural duties and links to history, armed forces, land, First Nations, businesses and police force, I think that we should set up a respectful clause (by referendum) to become a republic once she passes on (eg "Heirs and Successors"). This is a generational attachment and many who hold strong ties to the Royal Fam in Britain are well over 60. For the majority of Canadians (including children), there is absolutely no loyalty to these ties or tradition (nor a need to). It is more of an expense at this stage in history that we, as Canadians, no longer (or need to) appreciate. While we're at it, let's consider a new name for "British" Columbia and the "Royal" Canadian Mounted Police and all other royal attachments to Canadian institutions. It will help us gain our national identity and appeal to the French heritage that cut off their ties with the cutting off of Louis XVth's head! No revolution needed...
Skookum1
4 years ago
The only way....
....to create a workable public, and hope you get it right as the second and third times will get increasingly difficult and dangerous, is to completely wipe away the current constitutional system, to place some check upon it. The current system won't do; it's scarcely the monarchy itself that we need to get rid of; rather the way the monarchy has been constitutionalized. Creating a republic also means settling the shelved legalities underlying land claims as well as coming up with a new system of representation, and maybe desirably more than oen. There's no point in abolishing a monarchy if you get the system that hid behind the Crown's good name continue to go on as before...
Skookum1
4 years ago
ineresting typo
"a workable public" => "a workable republic". Interesting slip, though....
Oh the line from Scholefield and Howay was more precisely "the unreasoning multitude known as the public". Didn't want to misquote them....
I still like the idea of relocating the UN to Victoria just to piss of the Americans, though.....but if you do something like that, you have to hav a host with some stature, and decent table manners. What is it with the brash-but-reserved suits on BC piols anyway?
Frank
4 years ago
A Canadian monarchy
I'm all for it but not by Germans. If I have to see them on tv every night I think they should have Newfie accents and frequent bouts of where they toss the silverware across the room and demand Lord Black be beheaded for putting on airs. Oh and the palace has to be at Green Gables.
If not, I'm with "Dennis" from Monty Python's King Arthur, he who was being repressed. To paraphrase those revolutionary words "a watery tart handing out swords does not provide the basis of legitimate government".
lynn
4 years ago
Sounds good to me, Frank. ;-)
Sounds good to me, Frank. ;-)
How about a Neil Young anthem?
Long May You Run, Canada.
Skookum1
3 years ago
Quote:How about someone from
Tehres' a few bloodlines already kicking around BC - stray Hohenzollerns and Bourbons and Orleanists and all of us Norwegians are descended from some king, somewhere ;-)
Prince Nicholas Golitsyn, a Romanov pretender, lives in Victoria....
One tricky thing; someone might propose a FN monarch, or in the case of the Phillipses an arranged marriage with a native noble line, but picking a Kwakwaka'wakw or a Nuu-chah-nulth, say, over anyone else....nah, arranged marriages couldn't work anyway. One of the points of European monarchies, the created kind rather than the historically-accrued kind, e.g. Belgium, Greece, etc, even Norway, is that the royal line is brought in from outside the nation so as to not favour any competing domestic dynasty. This was in fact explicitly why the Hanovers sere called in, and before them the House of Orange and after them Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (the present bunch, since renamed Windsor) - ecause the native British royal houses were not to be trusted, or rather were too powerful among the populace for Parliament to compete with, and headstrong enough to not do as they're told (William and Harry are Stuarts, indirectly, as I've probably pointed out here before....).
I'm all for giving asylum to the Kingdom of Hawaii in Exile, though....