GOLD for sleuthing to homeless tent city residents in Vancouver, for outing two undercover police and sending them packing, according to a report by the Vancouver Media Co-op.

GOLD (highly polished) to Cassie Campbell-Pascall for being the Games' biggest goody two-shoes. Were you to find yourself standing next to the Canadian two-time hockey gold medalist at a wild and crazy Olympics party, apparently this is what you'd hear:

"I am very excited to be partnering with Rockport. To me, Rockport is about footwear that is sophisticated and stylish without sacrificing comfort. I love how Rockport paid homage to the Canadian flag through the design of the Lorraine boot, not to mention it's super comfortable!"

We know this how she talks because she is directly quoted in a press release issued by an American shoe manufacturer. Not to mention, it's Rockport!

GOLD for greenest response to Olympic traffic problems by a Vancouver business goes to Small Potatoes Urban Delivery, which Wednesday delivered groceries to a Tyeester's house via bicycle. The breathless delivery dude arrived towing a bike trailer as large as the bed of a small pickup truck. It was piled high with plastic bins, each containing the weekly grocery order for another household. The customers not only were spared all the emissions from driving to and from the grocery story, but even the delivery was emissions-free. (Well, the guy was sweating something fierce.) He said the normal fuel-efficient delivery van was parked nearby, and that he rode to and from it to refill his trailer -- an experiment SPUD is running during the Olympics.

GOLD to Vancouver Sun reporter Chad Skelton for pointing people towards Olympics events with little to no lineups, helping locals and visiting internationals to reduce significant wastes of time.

GOLD to American downhill skier Lindsey Vonn for living up to the hype.

GOLD to American Idol, which is pulling in 20 per cent more viewers than the Vancouver Olympics in the United States. Hmmm. So if three billion people watch the 2010 Games as the IOC and B.C. politicians dubiously brag, does that mean 3.6 billion watch American Idol? And does that leave anyone left over to actually attend the Olympics in person?

SILVER to Deconstructing Dinner's "A Dinner Date with the Olympics" podcast, for thoughtfully and insightfully exploring the contradictions of junk food makers sponsoring celebrations of super fit athleticism. (Coca-cola, by the way, gave out some more of its own awards for sustainability heroism, this time to Premier Gordon Campbell and VANOC boss John Furlong.)

SILVER MEDAL to Justin Townes Earle, son of singer/songwriter Steve Earle, for the best down-home Olympic banter at a cultural event not in any way associated with the Olympics (and therefore not gagged by the contractual obligation to avoid criticizing the Olympics). Responding to a spontaneous "Fuck the Olympics" shout from a fan at the Biltmore Cabaret show Tuesday night, Earle said, in a slow, thick southern drawl, "Yea, ah bin hearin' a lot o' that since ah got here. When it wuz in Atlanta they screwed things up all the way up tuh Nashville." Correctly interpreting the crowd's quiet chuckle as a collective lack of understanding of Southern geography, he then added "An' tha's quite a piece, there." Earle and his band -- comprising a stand-up bass and fiddle -- went on to play a blistering set of original alt-country, gospel, and honky-tonk tunes, along with covers from the Carter family and Sam "Lightnin'" Hopkins.

SILVER TONGUE, er MEDAL to diversity-conscious organizers who made sure the Games are being broadcast in over 20 languages throughout the country including: Cree, Dene, English, Inuktitut, Mechif, Mi'Kmaq, Mohawk, Ojibway, Oji-Cree, Bangla, Gujarati, Hindi, Punjabi, Tamil, Urdu, Cantonese, Italian, Mandarin, Polish, Portuguese, Punjabi, Ukrainian... oh yes, and French.

BRONZE for playing with fire goes to the guy in this video for ... what? Is he lighting a cigarette on the Olympic torch? Or just lighting his hand on fire briefly? In any case, points for seizing a hot opportunity. Points deducted for not noticing the many police officers nearby, who promptly threw the smoldering fellow to the ground and handcuffed him while the crowd took pictures with their cell phones and one onlooker yelled "Go Canada!" We found the video on Vancouver Media Co-op's site.

BRONZE (judging generously fudged in the interest of good will) for the The Sochi 2014 Pavilion. It is worth a look, but don't waste your time in a long line-up to get in. The most interesting part is the remodeling of Science World and what the Russians have done. But other than some singers and dancing performers downstairs, there isn't much to see. Large amounts of the space inside are dedicated to bars and restaurants for the closed-to-the-public events after hours (only VIPs need attend). Might a few hungry members of the proletariat find a tasty Russian lunch, we inquired? Nyet. Upstairs, amid hyper-modern hipster lounge chairs, "exhibits" feature corporate sponsors, including an oil and gas company and VW (aren't they German?). The Russian reps were beautiful but not particularly engaged (one woman at an info booth was texting the whole time we were there). OK, there is Tretiak's jersey and stick in a display case. There is also a store where you can buy a $250 Russia hoodie and the bizarre Japanese anime-meets-Quatchi mascott for 2014.

FACEPLANT to VANOC for replacing the fence in front of the Olympic cauldron with another slightly less obstructing but equally distancing fence. The viewing perch is a step up, but suggestions to use plexi-glass to enclose the flame instead of a chain link fence is all too predictable.

FACEPLANT for the $1 billion security apparatus guarding the games, which let a mentally ill homeless man with a homemade security pass get within metres of the vice-president of the United States.

FACEPLANT for real, and nothing funny about it, for dozens of people, 19 of them injured, as a LiveCity barricade collapses.

PENALTY BOX for Milestones restaurant who, its workers claim, triggered a strike at the YVR airport that welcomed Olympics arrivals by trying to bust its union right before the restaurant closes following the 2010 Games and is taken over by White Spot.

PENALTY BOX for the free-speech loving protest coalition, which muzzled fellow protestors from speaking out against the black bloc by forcing groups to sign an agreement not to speak ill of fellow protestors.

PENALTY BOX for the gods of global spectacle. At this point, you're just maliciously toying with us And now you've sent Stephen Colbert to have a field day.

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