PG Freezes, Lunn Fires, Spidey Splits
And more Fast Rewind of January.
Marriage didn't stick.
The Governor General visited Vancouver and found it generally ungovernable. They're pouring hot water on the Nechako River, cold water on Canada's Afghanis-plans and heavy water on Ontario's nuclear reactors. Prime Minister Steve Harper became a Manley man and "The Prince of Pot" was baked. Two men were gunned down outside Vancouver's Gotham Steakhouse, proving that red meat is dangerous to your health.
The Golden Globes stopped spinning while support for the writer's strike SAGged. Late night comedy shows came back without writers . . . or comedy. The Kennedys checked in and Bobby Fischer checked out.
So let's pay at the pump -- as long as you can get your car through the snowdrifts -- don't tease the tasers and look back on the January that was.
Manley men
Former Liberal leadership candidate John Manley recommended that Canadians stay in Afghanistan after 2009, much to the chagrin of alleged Liberal leader Stephane Dion. Asked if this recommendation was in keeping with Liberal tradition, Manley said that it was absolutely in keeping with the Paul Martin tradition of the loser in a leadership race doing his best to undermine the winner.
The ReformaTory Party announced plans to give a whopping one billion dollars in aid to towns with dying industries and lots of voters as long as their next budget passes. If the budget fails as expected and they're re-elected, the ReformaTories promise to discover they can't afford one billion dollars and supply the towns with hundreds of dollars in Tim Horton's gift certificates. I know . . . not funny . . . . But it will be if Harper wins again and you read it after the next election . . . .
Athasbasking
Alberta Prime Minister, Steve Harper, rejected a national advisory panel's recommendations to launch a carbon tax explaining that conserving the planet isn't the Conservative thing to do and he'd prefer to tax Prius drivers since they never vote Tory.
Alberta Premier Ed Stelmach decided to skip a discussion with Canada's other premiers about climate change because he was "staying home to wash my hair." Stelmach says he'll be delighted to discuss climate change as soon as every last drop of oil has been extracted from Athabasca.
'The Ottawa Syndrome'
Naturally Resourceless Minister Gary "thank God the Green Party splits the vote and gets me elected in one of the most progressive riding the country" Lunn defended his decision to fire the head of Canada's Nuclear Safety Commission for her crime of attempting to ensure Canada's nuclear safety. Prime Minister Steve says that despite calls to dismiss the Resourceless Minister, he "absolutely" stands behind Lunn . . . but not too close behind in case Lunn's radioactive.
Opposition party leaders accused the ReformaTory government of trying to stall an inquiry into former "prime minister" Brian Mulroney's dealing with "businessman" Karlheinz "Scooter" Schreiber until after the next federal election in order to avoid being drawn into any potential scandal. Prime Minister Steve will probably deny the allegations at some point and may even keep a straight face.
Paging William Gibson....
A new high tech driver's license will allow B.C. citizens to cross the border into America without a passport. The "enhanced" license will contain a chip that tells border guards your home address, place of birth, citizenship and how often you floss.
U.S. President George the Second announced he has big plans for his final year in office. In order to keep him from invading Iran, his dad bought him a new Playstation.
Dropouts won't graduate to US Electoral College...
John Edwards was forced to withdraw from the presidential race after campaigning to help poor people and discovering that poor people vote Republican because they don't want to pay taxes to help poor people.
Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani dropped out of the Republican presidential race -- which means the terrorists won.
Fred Thompson announced plans to drop out of the primaries while he still has enough supporters to be re-elected as district attorney on Law and Order.
Meanwhile, a British production company announced plans to launch Law and Order: London in the hopes of finding a new leader for the Tory party.
Barack Obama was declared the new JFK by the Kennedy clan. Oprah immediately denied this makes her the new Marilyn.
A researcher declared "The Most Depressing Day of the Year" was the third Monday in January, which he dubbed "Blue Monday." However John Edwards and Rudy Giuliani believe the most depressing day of the year is actually "Super Tuesday."
Spider matrimony
And finally . . . Spider-Man wasn't feeling too super when his 20 year marriage to Mary Jane Watson was erased from Marvel Comics continuity thanks to a deal to save the life of his Aunt May, who is now six hundred years old. Spider-Man's new motto: "With great power comes no responsibility for alimony."
Related Tyee stories:
- How Not to Get Robbed
Or even murdered on the job: don't work alone. - Harper's Fearless 'Dirty Gary'
MP Gary Lunn is pro-nukes, oil sands, mega-tankers -- and his riding is one of BC's greenest. - Bill Blowing the Election
Goodbye Billary, hello Obama. And more hunches.
![[Tyee]](http://thetyee.cachefly.net/ui/img/ico_fishie.png){kind=small}
- Vancouver police recommend more riot charges, ask for info about officer assault
- Appeal court upholds ruling on protection of orca habitat
- Foreign takeover score is 14,218 to two calculates Mel Hurtig, who speaks Saturday
- Abbott blames teachers' union, hints at legislation
- Greens exaggerating fracking fears 'to control you': Santorum
- Prime Minister Harper mixes oil with human rights on visit to China
- Civil jury finds former BC premier Vander Zalm guilty of defamation
- Vancouver theatre runs down curtain on section of BC's outdated liquor laws
- 'The Kids Are All Right'
- 'Leave Your Shoes On'
- Glaciers, BC Hydro's Melting 'Batteries'
- Frankie Rose Makes Life Tougher for Journalists
- Becoming the Ethical Hunter
- Too Much Energy Used to Mine, Move Bitumen Says BC Firm
- Three Ryan Gosling Pickup Techniques that Don't Work in Real Life
- Shadow Workers of the World, Revolt!
- Could SOPA Pervade Canadian Copyright Law?
- Would You Buy a Used Car from These Libs?
- Shadow Workers of the World, Revolt!
- Bill Rees' Last Lecture
- Economist Calls Gateway Pipeline an Inflationary 'Threat'
- Too Much Energy Used to Mine, Move Bitumen Says BC Firm
- Is Canada Ignoring Signs of a Coming Economic Collapse?
- Harper in China
- How First Nations Are Gearing Up for Legal Battle Against Gateway
- Eleven Oily Questions for Every MP
- Remembering Lloyd Dykk's Wit, Generosity and Superb Prose
- BC Child Care Advocates in Geneva to Complain to UN
- BC, You Love You
- Who Pays Huge Power Bills for Clark's Gas Plants?
- Make It the Canadian Webcasting Corporation
- Harper in China
- Would You Buy a Used Car from These Libs?
- Time to Zip John Baird's Loose Lips
- Glaciers, BC Hydro's Melting 'Batteries'
- 'Leave Your Shoes On'
- Expert on Healthy Democracy Takes BC's Pulse
- Shadow Workers of the World, Revolt!
- Board, BC mayors make the case for Vancouver transit audit
- Tensions flare over Vancouver-owned mine in Oaxaca
- Osoyoos Times editor apologizes for comments on RCMP
- BC premier delivers talk show 'throne speech'
- NDP leadership: Thomas Mulcair ahead on first ballot, internal poll suggests
- Sky is the limit for use of mini, unmanned planes
- Prime Minister by day, oil exec by night
- Animal-made 'art' challenges human monopoly on creativity
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ME2
4 years ago
typo
He forgot to mention that the US State Department has found a typo in it's claim that "We're Number One".
It should read "Were Number One"
ctindal
4 years ago
Cheap Partisan Shot
Hi Mark,
The cheap shot at the Green Party for running in Lunn's riding is nonsensical for a few reasons.
1. You could apply the same logic to the Liberals or the NDP, but you don't.
2. There's no reason to believe that people who are voting Green in SGI would necessarily vote Liberal or NDP if there were a united front.
3. That being said, the Green Party and the Liberal party have shown the most willingness to cooperate and not "split the vote," but the NDP refuse to even discuss the possibility.
4. On the other side of the country, the NDP are doing everything they can to ensure that Elizabeth May doesn't get elected in Central Nova. Surely that's worse than Greens running hard against a Conservative.
5. The real problem here is our antiquated out of date voting system. The Green Party is the only party still consistently calling for Proportional Representation to be made a priority. Jack Layton hasn't talked about PR in any substantive way since the 2004 election when he promised that it would be the one issue he'd use to prop up a minority government (a promise he did not keep). Since then the NDP have decided that Senate Abolition is their democratic reform priority rather than fair voting.
5. You point to the whole Chalk River/Linda Keen fiasco, yet the Green Party was the only party to oppose Harper's bullying when he tricked Parliament into restarting an unsafe reactor. Every single other party, including the Liberals and NDP, rolled over and let that happen.
I could of course go on, but I think you get the point.
Des Emery
4 years ago
January
Mark - funny, funny. Good to take a belly laugh now and then, and look on the sunny side of life for a change from the doom and gloom of trying to cope with reality.
ctindal doesn't appreciate the nonsensical view, apparently, but of course is quite entitled to be as serious as he wants.
Except for the advocacy of the biggest fraud in the world, Proportional Representation, which would cause real government, good or bad, to grind to a halt while rewarding insiders unduly. Run-off elections take a longer time to complete but are the preferred method that party leaders themselves use to obtain a true 'choice.'
Frank
4 years ago
From the Left
Quite true
Because we're a Left-wing party and you're not. It would make as much sense for us to cooperate with the Conservatives.
How so? Isn't the whole point of having elections to try and stop opposing parties from being elected? When did that rule change? For the record, the NDP is also trying as hard as they can to make sure Conservatives and Liberals don't get elected.
Not true, the NDP have always strongly supported both Senate abolition and electoral reform.
Europe rewards insiders more than the US and Canada? European governments have ground to a halt? I think not.
Des Emery
4 years ago
vote
Frank - Prop Rep is supposed to provide a true picture of the popular vote, giving everybody a certain proportion of the total vote, while insiders who are appointed by the various parties get the rest. That's neither fair nor true.
In order to give the electors accurate representation, imagine candidates from five parties running. First vote results do not give one candidate 50% plus 1, so there is a run-off with candidates who garnered less than (whatever percentage you want to imagine) being eliminated; those candidates can turn their voters over to another party or just set them free to vote as they want.
Everybody gets to vote again, but this time the field may only be two candidates, of whom only one (who could be second or third choice of the electors) eventually wins. This vote is reflecting the will of the majority, not a minority with the largest proportion of the vote.
I don't think either the volatile, time-consuming kerfuffle we are witnessing in the USA, or the European model, rife with patronage and indecision, serves as an example for us. We can do better, and I speak as an NDP supporter, always ready to move forward.