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So You Want to Be a US Supreme Court Justice
Elena Kagan's try for the job goes to vote today in Congress. First, she had to fill out this form.
Supreme nominee Kagan: 'Smoochy' position?
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A Golden Age for US Gun Lovers
Americans have never been freer to pack heat, but conservatives stoke fears of a firearms crackdown.
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Positions Available at White House
Some job opportunities in the US you may have missed.
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Shock at 'God Hates Fags'
VIDEO: US Westboro Church's gay bashing plans in Vancouver.
Congratulations on your nomination for United States Supreme Court Justice. To streamline the process and avoid contentious confirmation hearings, please fill out the following application.
With which law school are you affiliated?
a) Yale
b) Harvard
c) Columbia
d) Other
In what way would you bring diversity to the Supreme Court?
a) I am a woman
b) I am a visible minority
c) Both a) and b)
d) I tan well
What aesthetic deficiencies might make you a target of partisan attacks?
a) Weight problem
b) Height problem
c) Excessive mustache (women)
d) Insufficient mustache (men)
What might reflect poorly on your character during the nomination process?
a) Former oil company lobbyist
b) Secret affair with intern
c) Secret affair with oil company lobbyist
d) I own the Hannah Montana box set
What do you like best about the Constitution?
a) The gun parts
b) The gay parts
c) It's all good
d) Fixing it
If you could add one item to the Constitution, what would it be?
a) The right to keep and bear more things
b) Quiz restrictions on Facebook
c) A more marketable title
d) An index
Would you be willing to participate in the Court's "Wacky Robe Friday"?
a) Yes
b) No
What are your views on the death penalty?
a) I support the death penalty
b) I do not support the death penalty
c) I enjoyed Death to Smoochy
c) I am against death in all its forms
Do you favor gun control?
a) Yes
b) No
c) It is wrong to infringe on a gun's constitutional rights
d) Only for Dick Cheney
What best describes your views on same-sex marriage?
a) It is a matter for the states
b) It is a matter for the feds
c) Gays have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us
d) Gays do not have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us
What are your views on the separation of church and state?
a) We are a Christian nation
b) We are a secular nation
c) We should skirt the issue by referring to Christian ideology as "the moral center"
d) They are a constant disruption and should not be allowed to sit next to each other
Please choose the abortion stance that describes you best:
a) Pro-choice
b) Anti-Abortion
c) Only in cases in which the mother's life is threatened
d) Only in cases in which my nomination is threatened
Do you have Oprah's support?
a) Yes
b) I withdraw my application
![[Tyee]](http://thetyee.cachefly.net/ui/img/ico_fishie.png){kind=small}
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3
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CanadianLatitude
1 year ago
Well 2 Jews and 6 Catholics
Well 2 Jews and 6 Catholics on it now. I would like to of seen an atheist for diversity but that would never go in Jesusland...
Booker
1 year ago
You can be an atheist as
You can be an atheist as long as you lie about it. That might still be the case for gays and lesbians too. It would be nice to see those two hypotheses put to the test soon.
Fiat lux
1 year ago
An atheist friend of mine
An atheist friend of mine used to have a big Bible in the back window of his car and a religious statue with a rosary on the dash.
Never got stopped by the police at any roadblock. Just waved through.
Ed Deak.