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Oscar the Screw-up
When was the last time he got it right?
It's pointless to fight Oscar. He owns the hill. Millions watch and millions more pay attention to the results. Every other awards ceremony, cinematic or industrial, gets described as "The (Someplace-or-Something) Oscars." Railing against the Academy Awards is like trying to stem the tide.
So call me King Oscar Canute. The spring tide of Oscar nominations floats a lot of garbage these days. For proof, look no further than the reigning Best Picture winner. Last year's champion, Million Dollar Baby, stands as a lasting indictment to the mediocrity of Hollywood's self-congratulatory night.
Golden boy
Clint Eastwood scored a legitimate Oscar victory in 1992 with the excellent Unforgiven; a meditation on the traditional, violent Western themes that examined the truth behind the frontier myths. Having thus marked himself as best picture material, Eastwood flashed his club membership and entered last year's race with Million Dollar Baby; a boxing flick intent on squeezing out tears like a wringer-washer. The fact that it sacrificed any shred of plausibility in its rush to catharsis was apparently not important to Academy voters.
Consider the climactic moment of the plot. (Spoiler alert: if you have yet to rent this award-winning turd, I am about to save you a few bucks here.) Hilary Swank is a rising star in female boxing (already a stretch-the filmmakers want to get around people's modern aversion to the brutal sport of boxing by making their star a plucky woman. In reality, professional female boxing is still pretty much a carnival sideshow, give or take a Laila Ali). In the title match, Swank's evil opponent waits for the bell that ends the round and then, when Swank turns and heads back to her corner, sucker punches her in the back of the head. Swank falls, breaks her neck and becomes a quadriplegic.
And how does her manager, Eastwood, respond? Basically, with a shrug. You lost, kid. That's boxing.
Well, no it isn't. It's felonious assault. This is a movie that purports to be a gritty, realistic look at boxing. But in what universe would that be considered a legitimate ending to a prizefight? Why not simply have Swank's opponent pull a gun and shoot her? Then have Eastwood shrug "Hey, that's boxing, kid. Should've kept your guard up."
And for this, the filmmakers were crowned by the Academy as the leading exemplars of cinematic excellence in 2004.
Only a movie?
People often respond to this sort of carping by saying "It's only a movie." Which is true. It's just not a good movie. Good movies understand their subject matter; good movies do not invent ludicrous plot turns just to rush some character into a hospital bed where she can be visited by her one-dimensional, trailer-trash family and we can squirt out our last remaining drops of bodily fluid. Good movies are not shameless, manipulative tripe. And apparently, good movies rarely win best picture.
The 2001 winner, A Beautiful Mind, was an attempt at high-minded cinema that more frequently displayed simple-minded mediocrity. The 2002 champ, Chicago, will never measure up to the classic musicals or to that other Bob Fosse creation, Cabaret. The 2003 best picture statuette handed to Lord of the Rings: Return of the King can perhaps be justified as an award for the entire trilogy, but Return was the weakest of the three. In 2000, Gladiator was a much-criticized choice in some circles, but I actually thought it was a legitimate candidate for Hollywood's ultimate salute-it was after all a very successful attempt to do what Hollywood does best, the epic popcorn flick. At least it went against the standard Oscar mentality of rewarding subject matter rather than quality. The near-complete absence of comedies from Oscar night reflects the shallowness of Academy thinking-screenplays lifted from Hallmark greeting cards are generally the betting favorites.
It's usually the script that determines a movie's ultimate fate. The fact that Lost in Translation and Good Will Hunting have both won Academy Awards for best original screenplay ought to sink the credibility of that award for all time. Ben Affleck-Oscar winner. Think about that.
The random nature of the nominations is noted every year-someone is always overlooked, while someone else gets the make-up nomination after being overlooked previously (hello, Paul Giamatti). And yet, the blatantly random nature of Academy recognition changes nothing. Oscar rules supreme. Complain all you want, but his authority is everlasting. Oscar is the Fidel Castro of Hollywood.
Stewart the saviour?
Occasionally, Academy recognition will fall on a worthy underdog. Careers will be boosted and deserving people allowed to enter the mainstream. Plus, this year we get to watch John Stewart. With his own writing staff providing the material, we can even hope he will escape the downward pull of Academy influence and actually get to be funny. (I will not try to argue here that David Letterman's infamous "Oprah-Uma" routine was sidesplitting. But I do think Letterman, one of the smartest comedians ever to do network television, was completely thrown off stride by Oscar's middlebrow tradition. His failure was as much an indictment of the Academy as of Letterman himself.)
People will watch the Oscars regardless. I'll probably watch awhile myself, for Stewart's opening, if nothing else. (Skit suggestion for Stewart: put on a pair of clown pants and play an ice fisherman. It killed in Turin.)
Watching the world's premiere celebrity horserace can be fun-the disappointed losers, the embarrassing speeches, and, with any luck, a moment or two of outright bizarro behaviour. So spend that endless three and a half hours if you must. But make no mistake-Oscar is a tyrant. Viva la revolucion.
Steve Burgess's interesting holiday in Asia is over and clearly he's not settling in happily. ![[Tyee]](http://thetyee.cachefly.net/ui/img/ico_fishie.png){kind=small}
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26
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nightbloom
6 years ago
Comments on "Oscar the Screw-up"
I'm inclined to agree. Oscar is a tyrant, but everyone does along with it.
Anyway, most don't tune into the Oscars for the sake of the films. It's about celebrity, gossip & guttersniping. It's all industry politics, not art.
I couldn't believe "A Beautiful Mind" took the Oscar away from the first LOTR installment (Fellowship, which was the best of the three). A Beautiful Mind was a gross distortion of the real story. One of the more blatant omissions was the fact that the real-life mathematician left his wife for another man for a period of time. Damn those inconvenient real-life plot twists. Aussy Russell Crowe wasn't about to do no brokeback stuff - them'z for thoze Wyoming boyz.
As for Return of the King, the best scenes were cut & reserved for the extended edition dvd, in order to make time for the (too) protracted denouement. That was a bad decision. Christopher Lee was justified in throwing his tantrum.
nightbloom
6 years ago
Oh, Here we go. You just know it's gonna be a silly year:
Mel Gibson tapes message for Oscars - in Ancient Maya language
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1169484,00.html
Colin
6 years ago
Interesting link, thanks
Well you can’t say he is not brave in his choice of projects.
charlesdemers
6 years ago
Steve, I'm so pleased to hear someone else go after the Million Dollar Baby stinker that I'm almost willing to overlook the fact that you liked Gladiator. Almost.
Nobody takes Best Picture seriously since Forrest Gump beat Pulp Fiction, do they? Or when Russell Crowe should have won for The Insider, but instead he wins the next year for Gladiator, when Denzel Washington should have one for Hurricane, so Denzel wins the next year for the cartoon character he played in Training Day.
This weekend, though, should be good. The only best picture nominee I haven't seen is Munich, watched and loved everything else, and so I'll pretty much be happy however it goes.
nightbloom
6 years ago
True.
But he makes me nervous whenever he attempts to "do history".
The Brits were absolutely justified in getting livid at his falsified portrayal of British regulars committing atrocities which ressembled documented Nazi atrocities against French civilians during WWII in his American Revolution epic "The Patriot" (i.e. the crowded Church burning scene).
Virtually every Roman Catholic outside the conservative 20th C. lay movements Opus Dei, Corpus Christi and the Society of St. Pius X was offended by the inaccurate & over-the-top sadism of his "Passion of the Christ". [although as an antiquarian I hung on every sentence of our Latin, the mother of all western modern languages, whose ill-conceived expulsion from the public curriculum marked the beginning of our collective dumbing-down as a culture].
But yes, all my bitching aside, he might be doing a service to these "dead" languages simply by providing them with a blockbuster platform for revivification and study.
If it turns into a trend, perhaps we can look forward to Nordic, Gaelic and Old English revivals one day as a result.
Steve Burgess
6 years ago
What can I tell ya, Charles? I'm a sucker for them swords and sandals. I thought the presence of Russell Crowe showed to great effect in that flick, especially when compared to "historical epic" turns by the likes of Tommy Cruise in Last Samurai. Also, I liked the respect they showed to his religious beliefs--those Roman flicks always used to pander to the audience by having Jesus walk-ons.
Yeah, I didn't even get into the horrors of the 90's, like Gump and Titanic. And I am also a member of that vocal minority that thought American Beauty was pretentious crap. I'll take a big rouser like Gladiator anyday. (That said, Kingdom of Heaven was lame.)
DPL
6 years ago
It's a sure bet that at least a few of us will manage to miss the big show. The hype is over the top and so are some of the women's body parts. If they want to hand out awards, go do it, but the fillers are sort of boring for us who don't follow the latest movie adds
Colin
6 years ago
Yes, they both did well in those roles. although Gladiator apparently mixed up weapons from different periods in the opening scene, but did a good job of capturing the battle. Haven't seen the Passion yet, on our list but movies in theatres are out with a Infant.
charlesdemers
6 years ago
Steve, you almost had me back with your comments on American Beauty, which was terrible (except for Chris Cooper, who is very near to being a God) and then lost me again by disliking Kingdom of Heaven. It's one of the only big epics of the last ten years that I loved. Thought it was great; have you read Robert Fisk's essay about watching it in Beirut? It's fascinating.
Steve Burgess
6 years ago
I dunno Charles--pretty wishy-washy flick. While watching Kingdom of Heaven I found myself pondering why some movies catch fire and others just slouch along. It didn't help that they were so busy trying not to offend anybody, plus the fact that Orlando Bloom's character seemed to have dropped into the Crusades directly from the Dr. Phil program.
But American Beauty sucked. With that in mind, can't we all just get along?
Chicken Slinger
6 years ago
A verse of wisdom for cocky, short-sighted, fast talking media critics throughout the world:
Ask the mirror on the wall
Who's the biggest fool of all
It makes you feel small
It happens to us all
Perhaps if more of us were firm critics of ourselves we might take on the bright-shining virtue and spirit in Orlando Bloom's character in Kingdom of Heaven.
nquastel
6 years ago
Think of the Oscars as the really hard sell. How to flog the pictures that maybe an award could boost weakening sales. Always think: This is a strategy for feeding the masses slop, or alternatively, making oneself part of someone elses money making strategy. So the journalists ethics question should really be: Is it even worthwhile to criticize this stuff?
Steve Burgess
6 years ago
So CS, I should concentrate on being more like Orlando Bloom? Would that process involve self-examination, or skin-care products?
bob the cat
6 years ago
I agree with Demers on American Beauty...Chris Cooper as well..
I also thought Kingdom of Heaven was terrific though Bloom was perhaps a poor casting choice. Maybe they chose Bloom as Ed Norton was covered up behind the mask..and they needed a star name in there somewhere.. Bloom coming off huge success in "Rings"..the Syrian guy as Saladin (Was he Syrian?)..couldn`t have recouped the costs..I know I can`t remember his name now though he was bloody marvellous. A vastly underrated film in my opinion. The Fisk essay on viewing it in Beirut was fascinating.
Jack's
6 years ago
Bah - Humbug!!!
The 'Oscar' show is a woman's thing....
You watch a bunch of millionaires being given awards which will make them richer.
My big complaint is that it results in re-runs of shows on the other networks that I like to watch.
You'll notice that the entertainment industry has every award show imaginable - simply because it attracts a huge amount of (women) viewers.
Mkitty
6 years ago
Ah Jack...the Oscar show is a "woman thing" because it is all about fashion and "who you come with". The number one question that celebrities are asking is "Who are you wearing" Notice the word is "who" and not "what". It's all about what,er, I mean, "who" you are wearing and who you are bringing. This year's Oscar fest was boring as there was nothing tantalizing in it. No over the top speeches, tears and no see-through dresses to gasp over. Damn....this one was just too polite!
mgeoghegan
6 years ago
I love the analogy to the Oscars and Castro both being tyrants. Perhaps the editors at this publication are more open minded than I had previously thought...
Steve Burgess
6 years ago
Post-Oscar postscript:
Canada's new hero is Paul Haggis, the man who directed Best Pic winner Crash. Alas, I could not bring myself to go see it after hearing it described by people whose opinions I trust. I'm told it is an incredibly heavy-handed message flick which, like last year's champ Million Dollar Baby, foists a groaner of a plot on the audience in order to hurry toward emotional moments and obvious points. And Haggis, as you may know, wrote Million Dollar Baby.
So this is the new Canadian hero? Maybe we should stick to ice fishers and snowmobiles.
Steve Burgess
6 years ago
Post-Oscar postscript:
Canada's new hero is Paul Haggis, the man who directed Best Pic winner Crash. Alas, I could not bring myself to go see it after hearing it described by people whose opinions I trust. I'm told it is an incredibly heavy-handed message flick which, like last year's champ Million Dollar Baby, foists a groaner of a plot on the audience in order to hurry toward emotional moments and obvious points. And Haggis, as you may know, wrote Million Dollar Baby.
So this is the new Canadian hero? Maybe we should stick to ice fishers and snowmobiles.
Jack's
6 years ago
Actually 'Crash' can be seen on Movie Central - so it petered out at the box-office a while ago. Haven't seen it but I feel proud that Canadians (Lions Gate?) were involved in the making.
Jack's
6 years ago
Totally agree with Steve Burgess....
Clint's Unforgiven was truly a classic - Million Dollar Baby was certainly not. Mystic River was an OK film.
However, films are generally being made for stupid people - as are most TV shows....
charlesdemers
6 years ago
Jack's, what's your definition of 'stupid people'? Mine is folks who say things like "the Oscars are a woman thing" as a means of derision.
Burgess, you should watch Crash. Matt Dillon is incredible, and it is also one of the first popular films ever to say that racism is still wrong even if its victims aren't stoic, Morgan Freeman-esque paragons of virtue. It is worth watching.
I forgave Haggis for Million Dollar Baby when he quoted Brecht at the Oscars. That sort of thing goes a long way with me.
Steve Burgess
6 years ago
Racism against Halle Berry is also very wrong.
steveleenow
6 years ago
However, films are generally being made for stupid people - as are most TV shows....
Speaking of TV, anybody here watch the vancouver shot reincarnation of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA? There's a show that tackles subjects and constantly pushes and reinvents itself. Absolutely amazing.
The 2003 mini-series and Season 1 are available to rent and buy on DVD here in Canada. The first 10 episodes of season 2 can be purchased on DVD from amazon.com and will be available in Canada in late April or early May, with the last 10 episodes of season 2 becoming available in both US and Canada sometime this summer.
Check it out.
- Steve
Steve Burgess
6 years ago
Agreed. Already did a story on Battlestar (and Grace Park specifically) for Vancouver magazine.
steveleenow
6 years ago
I'll have to search for it... apparently season 3 starts filming in a few weeks; and will premiere in October (hopefully in both the US and Canada at the same time). Would be nice to see the Tyee tackle an article on what few smart "tv-shows" exist out there.